Sooo yeah, my pen pal helped me snap out of my fear of regret or... I guess losing my friend in the most dumbest way possible i think?
I was pretty frighten by this ... whole situation. Anxieties just kept dwelling and dwelling inside of me for so long I got used to feeling that way. So it was much easier to go right back into that feeling again.
My pen pal put it like this:
"Imagine an alcoholic that had been recovering for sooo long and has been doing so well. That one day a friend hands him a drink and all of a sudden that routine comes back.
You could say that it's easier to go back to something familiar than to escape."
...
I have been in denial about the whole situation, just HOPING she wasnt like all the other girls :c
I mean, there were red flags here and there and I SIMPLY... just didn't want to believe it.
I finally accepted it.
So... maybe one day we can talk about what happened. Maybe one day she will grow the fuck up and realize how much pain I was in.
I'm going to relax about it easier now, now that I have been doing really well without her I can go back to that good feeling of not needing her.
Maybe some day we can talk about it.
-Reno