remrodrigues

The past two days have been entirely unproductive. I have been sick, and unable to really accomplish much of anything. For the first time, the rigors of this whole music thing started to catch up with me. I think I was so mentally and physically drained, that my body shut down and forced me to take a much needed a break to really dig deep, and do some introspection. It was definitely gut check time. I don't think most people realize the physical, mental, and emotional toll working in this industry entails. I really didn't either, until I lived it. It is brutal. You are tired, constantly doubting yourself, balancing countless people and ideas, spending time away from home, dealing with stress and criticism from a million sources, and always dealing with the pending risk of failure. I finally understood that all of these things that break someone down, and weigh on you so heavily, are the things that I love about this, in a sick way. I like the unknown. I like proving myself and others wrong. I like pushing myself and refusing to quit until I reach my goals. I l thrive off of the pressure, and I am addicted to the stress. I realized that those who are successful in this business are those who aren't broken by that, but instead use it as fuel for the fire. I am far from the most confident person in the world; in fact, I wonder if I am good enough everyday. I am my harshest critic. But, every time I pull myself up and don't give in, I have come that much closer to success. I am not afraid of the obstacles in my path, and I am not afraid to fail. I am more afraid of never knowing how far I can take this. I am more afraid of waking up one morning, and asking, "what if." I forget who said it, definitely a wiser man than I will ever be, but this is something that I have always remembered, that I think is more applicable now than ever before: "Whether you think you can, or think you can't-you're right." Also, I watched this super corny motivational video. It really kind of gets the blood flowing.


But anyway, onto to other matters. 25th Hour happened to be on Sundance tonight, which was a nice surprise. I absolutely love that movie. It definitely put me in a much better mood to take on tomorrow. Sick or not, I need to get the job done, and I know I can do it. Time to rise to the occasion. Things may be difficult, but they could be much worse, and I am thankful to be where I am. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, a wonderful dog, and even a wonderful girl who has an amazing ability to brighten my day; even when she is a million miles away. Those are all reasons to keep going, and never quit. Reminders of what I have to fight for. I like that.

Sleep, please do not elude me much longer. This is getting a little ridiculous. We used to get along so well.