relethed

so.
i guess as i am a brand new member i will pay my dues of loneliness for a while. i suppose starting a journal will be one good step--sort of emotive masturbation.
hello? hello? i am the tree.

so although the internet community idea has been around for years now, i still find myself asking the same ?'s--how true are people to themselves, how many of us are poseurs (like that just now), can we really get valuable relationships out of this?

so to answer my questions i went, of course, to the finest source: a paid soft-erotica website. i am well on my way to fulfillment...

while i am optimistic about finding friends here i also realize my tiring and impulsive manner of entrusting gimmick after gimmick with my peace and wholeness--you know, little tricks like emotional connection, friends, family, that sort of thing--is in full force here.

i suspect one of my problems is that i still await being overtaken, convinced, enthralled by something about which i won't have to ask, "did i make myself believe in this?"

to which i begin to fear, the answer is, "that is the only way to believe."