something is very wrong.
i feel no familiarity with.. anything. something tells me there's no escaping, and that i might wake up tomorrow morning with a new life and body; a new past i can tap into. some pre-woven tapestry i just don't seem to connect with. and i know that no matter how different this life may be, i think i'll think and feel exactly as i do now. lost isn't the right word. disconnected, maybe.
nothing can comfort me tonight. there's a three-finger bag of dro six inches from my keyboard. i have no desire whatsoever to smoke it. i don't want to watch television. music will just overwhelm me. everything is fake.
i even tried to will myself into a coma. i think i almost made it too, damn self awareness. i'm not numb. my insides are trembling like jello. i haven't slept in 29 hours, and my body just won't rest. my eyes force themselves open every time i close them. i think that maybe some part of me is afraid that if i DO fall asleep, i won't wake up.
sadly enough, this notion is my only means of ease. what an awkwardly structured fucking sentence. did that even make sense? i don't recognize the words i'm typing.
did i mention i'm stone-fucking sober? shit, i have work tomorrow. i wonder what'd happen if i came in on no sleep. i wonder if they'd let me go. god, i'm lazy.
when you tell your life story, do you ever feel like you're telling someone else's?
i feel no familiarity with.. anything. something tells me there's no escaping, and that i might wake up tomorrow morning with a new life and body; a new past i can tap into. some pre-woven tapestry i just don't seem to connect with. and i know that no matter how different this life may be, i think i'll think and feel exactly as i do now. lost isn't the right word. disconnected, maybe.
nothing can comfort me tonight. there's a three-finger bag of dro six inches from my keyboard. i have no desire whatsoever to smoke it. i don't want to watch television. music will just overwhelm me. everything is fake.
i even tried to will myself into a coma. i think i almost made it too, damn self awareness. i'm not numb. my insides are trembling like jello. i haven't slept in 29 hours, and my body just won't rest. my eyes force themselves open every time i close them. i think that maybe some part of me is afraid that if i DO fall asleep, i won't wake up.
sadly enough, this notion is my only means of ease. what an awkwardly structured fucking sentence. did that even make sense? i don't recognize the words i'm typing.
did i mention i'm stone-fucking sober? shit, i have work tomorrow. i wonder what'd happen if i came in on no sleep. i wonder if they'd let me go. god, i'm lazy.
when you tell your life story, do you ever feel like you're telling someone else's?
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
jonnytrrrash7:
I think we all get/feel disembodied sometimes, I hope you come back soon!
tadzi:
i really truly know what you mean...ive had those moments of clarity as well, and its scary.