Is it self-righteous of me to pride myself on being a nice person?
There's this woman at my work. She's about middle-aged, lazy-eyed, and immensely squirrelly-looking. Everyone avoids her, obviously, because it's HARD to talk to lazy-eyed people. You're never sure which eye to focus on, and you usually end up shifting your gaze to the floor, or to something around you. It doesn't help that she's just a teensy bit retarded, and it's really hard to understand what she's saying.
But.. I don't know. I talk to her. Not because I feel sorry for her, or because no one else talks to her, but because all awkwardness aside, why wouldn't I? She's good-natured and funny.
I feel happy when I talk to her, because I know whatever conversation we're holding is probably making her day. EVERYone avoids this lady. Even the customers, and she works the front register.
But now I feel like that rich asshole who drops a few quarters into a homeless dude's cup and thinks he's done his good samaritan deed of the week. I start to question and berate myself on whether or not I think, deep-down inside, that I'm better than this woman.
And it's not like I sit and stew over it. If I'm even slightly-over-thinking it, I'll never know. The guilt strikes almost immediately and I feel like an asshole.
This month, two homeless men (separately) told me they loved me. Not because I gave them any money, but because I didn't talk to them like they were lousy schmucks. I let them go off on their rants about the world, and I nodded, smiled, and laughed at all the right times. I listened to them, and I guess no one else does that, because one of them had tears in his eyes when he told me that I was one of God's angels.
Again, with the guilt and the questions and the self-loathing. No one deserves a medal for talking to someone else the way they'd want to be spoken to. But then I get so pissed off when people like Bob talk to me like I'm nothing.
I guess I'm something. I just wish people would stop being such assholes. For a nation that prides itself on diversity, it certainly knows how to kick someone for being different.
There's this woman at my work. She's about middle-aged, lazy-eyed, and immensely squirrelly-looking. Everyone avoids her, obviously, because it's HARD to talk to lazy-eyed people. You're never sure which eye to focus on, and you usually end up shifting your gaze to the floor, or to something around you. It doesn't help that she's just a teensy bit retarded, and it's really hard to understand what she's saying.
But.. I don't know. I talk to her. Not because I feel sorry for her, or because no one else talks to her, but because all awkwardness aside, why wouldn't I? She's good-natured and funny.
I feel happy when I talk to her, because I know whatever conversation we're holding is probably making her day. EVERYone avoids this lady. Even the customers, and she works the front register.
But now I feel like that rich asshole who drops a few quarters into a homeless dude's cup and thinks he's done his good samaritan deed of the week. I start to question and berate myself on whether or not I think, deep-down inside, that I'm better than this woman.
And it's not like I sit and stew over it. If I'm even slightly-over-thinking it, I'll never know. The guilt strikes almost immediately and I feel like an asshole.
This month, two homeless men (separately) told me they loved me. Not because I gave them any money, but because I didn't talk to them like they were lousy schmucks. I let them go off on their rants about the world, and I nodded, smiled, and laughed at all the right times. I listened to them, and I guess no one else does that, because one of them had tears in his eyes when he told me that I was one of God's angels.
Again, with the guilt and the questions and the self-loathing. No one deserves a medal for talking to someone else the way they'd want to be spoken to. But then I get so pissed off when people like Bob talk to me like I'm nothing.
I guess I'm something. I just wish people would stop being such assholes. For a nation that prides itself on diversity, it certainly knows how to kick someone for being different.
I wish everyone were.
It's not really self righteous if its the truth right?
-hugs-
I am much in the same light on both sides of the coin....
I always feel sorry for the people who did talk to those who are differant they are missing out the majority of the time. Honestly it seems that those who get ignored are a great source of jokes/information/you name it.
Go ahead and feel proud that you're differant.