Well that sounds way worse than it is. It's more like "Love lost in a hail of being to far apart and living separate lives". But as you can see I chose the right title to grab your attention.
Anyway the reason for this post is to vent something I can't really talk to anyone about.
See the there's this young lady that I have liked, well loved since the day I met here. Not that it matters now. She's married to, from what I hear a pretty cool guy, so that causes real problems. I would never want to be the cause of a divorce. Plus I think she is happy and in love with him. Again not really helpful to me.
I'll start from the beginning. I met her many years ago now. She's the sister-in-law of one of my best friends. She came down to visit with here sister and to see her nieces. I came over to hang out with Matt because Amy would be busy with the kids and her sister. I got to the house about 7 just in time for dinner. I rang the door bell and Marci answered the door. Ka-blam!!! Love at first site. I stood there like a love struck idiot staring at her standing in the door way. Then I heard Matt yell, "Are you going to come in or lurk in the door way all night?" I'd have to say not the best first impression ever. I went in and had a good laugh with her, I said "I thought I rang the door bell of the wrong house. But now I'm glad it's not." During dinner I sat there in silence while they talked about old friends and things that happened in Portland since they've been gone. After dinner we decided to play some games and do some drinking. After a while Matt suggested we try playing some Wario Ware since the little ones were done playing in the living room. So we turned it into a drinking game and we got pretty damn drunk. Amy decided to go lay down in her bed because she wasn't going to last much longer. Matt tried to stay awake, but as Matt does he fell asleep. Marci and I talked until almost 3am. We talked about everything from our favorite bands to all her favorite places in Portland. I just knew that we were going to be together forever. I was a drunk idiot. The moment that will always haunt me happened earlier, after we stopped "playing" Wario Ware, Matt went out back to smoke a cigarette. Marci and I were just starting our conversation when she leaned in bracing herself on my left shoulder, she then whispered "Do you want to know a secret?". I said, "Sure!". "You're my soulmate." she said and then laid her head on my shoulder. I thought I'd fallen asleep and was dreaming.
Over the next few years we kept in touch. Then it came time for Matt and Amy's wedding in Tahoe. Marci and I spent SO MUCH time together that weekend. Our friend Steve asked me to film the wedding for him since he was going to be in it. I pretty much ruined his version, because all I focused on was Marci. I missed half of Amy's walk down the isle because Marci looked AMAZING. I felt bad, after Steve watched it, he realized I was "distracted" and he told everyone he lost the tape. Marci ended up leaving early because of family issues, I didn't leave my room that next day. The guys came and dragged me out to go out on the lake. That weekend was pretty awesome.
Marci told me she was thinking of moving to Phoenix to goto school, I was beside myself with excitement. But alas she couldn't afford it.
We talked every now and then over the years. When she came to town I'd trade shifts with people to get days off while she was here so I could spend time with her. We kind of lost connection for a while, then Matt told me she was coming for a visit. During that visit she came down with her new boyfriend. I was destroyed. Sure I'd had different girlfriends over the years while we talked, she knew about them and I knew about the guys she went out with. But never was it serious enough for them to come down here together. I was destroyed! I didn't even come over to visit. I couldn't stand to see her with someone else. Sounds dump and selfish. But I just couldn't handle the thought of not having her to myself.
Many years past with very little between us. I heard from Matt the she was getting married and I almost broke my sobriety. It was strange, I was in a 4 year long relationship at that time and it still hit me really hard. I felt almost like I was cheating, but I hadn't seen or really talked to her for almost 5 years.
Well she just recently visited and reached out to me. I knew she was still married, but I knew I had to see her. She came down to watch Matt and Amy's 3 girls while they were on a business trip. She wanted to get a tattoo and asked if I could help her find an artist. Well I know many people so I called in favors to set things up. We spent a lot of time together. Seeing here again after so long, it was like nothing had changed. Except the giant ring on her left hand. I didn't think she could be more gorgeous than she had been, but I was completely wrong. She has grown into one of the most beautiful human beings I've ever seen. I came over to hangout every night after work. We'd play games with the kids until they went to sleep. Then we sat and talked, watched Doctor Who and I stayed until she fell asleep. I was emotional torture, but it was well worth it. She hadn't changed a bit. We spent her last day in town together. I took her to get her tattoo, I took her to one of my favorite restaurants and then she said one of the coolest things ever. "Hey why don't we goto your comic shop and you can help me pick out my first comic book?" That is why I love her. So I took her down to my favorite comic shop and showed her all sorts of awesome book that she should check out. It was amazing! But the night had to come to an end and I had to bring her back, because she had an early flight. But she stayed up and we talked for a while. She started to fall asleep so I told her she should head to bed. We said our goodbyes and hugged. And just like that, one of the coolest people ever was gone. Who knows how long until I see her again? I could never find it in me to tell her how I felt and now I can't.
So that's my tale of LOST LOVE. Not a great story, but it's mine. There's only 2 women I've ever felt that I loved, Marci is a good friend and I'm almost positive she knows I like her, but I doubt she ever thought I loved her. And then there's Chelsea, well that's a story for another time.
C.O.D.Y.