Ok I’ve given you all 1 whole week to see this. So I’ll say this once and only once *This is going to contain SPOILERS*!
Here are my thoughts on GODZILLA (2014), I fucking loved it. Now I am of the age to have seen all versions of The King of Monsters. Along with my best friend Alex, we would watch everything that featured the heavy hitting lizard from the depths. We couldn’t get enough. Yes we even saw the piss poor 1998 turd SONY tried to pass off as a GODZILLA movie. These were the days of innocence and non-internet using days. Growing up in the 90’s ind of sucked sometimes. Even after that shitbag of a “film” we stilled loved our irradiated tower of scales.
Now I warn you if you go back and watch the old school Godzilla movies, they are a tough sell for those not completely ready for super low-budget knock around films. These were dudes in suits throwing each other into crappy model buildings and kicking each while swinging on wires(which were completely visible). These were the good old days when plot really didn’t mean a thing, mainly because it wasn’t necessary. We just wanted to see giant monsters beating up other giant monsters. Yes there were cartoons that did that, but there’s something magical about seeing a giant lizard fighting a 3 headed Dragon. Come on a 3 HEADED DRAGON. I promise you this, if the sequel has something like a 3 headed dragon in it I’m getting in line now. Not to go into to much detail about the past Godzilla movies but they had cool shit like the time traveling Futurians who created King Ghidorah and the Twin Fairies that summon Mothra. I know badass right!
Back to the present incarnation of The Undisputed King of All Monsters! First things first, he looked super badass!!! I loved the way they made him look, I almost stood up and clapped when they first showed him walking up amongst the exploding planes at the Hawaiian airport. Just straight pimp like, with that “ima gonna hit you so hard your kids are going to be born bruised” look on his face and he gives out the first of many Classic Roars. Goddamn chills ran down my spin.
I know a lot of people were confused about what was happening in the movie. Because having a plot is hard to follow when there are giant monsters on the screen. Idiots all of you. I know a few of my friends were among these people. Please stop smoking so much weed, some on you might need what little is left up there.
Anyways, I’ll explain the plot for those to slow to follow. A giant bat-like create referred to as “Muto” in the film hatches and causes a cave-in exposing the centuries old nest that has 2 parasite like eggs in it. Poppa Muto makes his way out of the cavern and seeks out the closest source of food/radiation which just happens to be Japan. Later it is explained that the other egg which was thought to be dead was still radioactive so was relocated to the designated storage facility in the Nevada desert many miles outside Vegas. So poppa Muto destroys the power plant which brings in the real human element of the story. During the attack on the power plant the mother of our human hero is killed and his father is plunged into a 15 year mission/depression to figure out what caused the melt down and subsequent death of his wife. Well after feeding on all the stored up radiation at the power plant Poppa Muto hatches and takes the fuck off, but not before accidentally killing Bryan Cranston’s character. Then starts the real human element, Aaron Taylor-Johnson “Ford Brody” is sent spiraling into one near miss after another. At first he just keeps ending up in really bad places and really bad times. But as the movie progresses he makes decisions that put him front and center for the battle to save man-kind from these giant monsters. So as I said earlier, Poppa Muto starts causing a ruckus so our Big Hero, the titular character for the flick shows up to lay the smackth down! Godzilla shows up, killing plenty of peoples with the tidal wave that comes with a 300+ foot tall lizard coming ashore. Poppa Muto decides rather quickly that Godzilla is no joke and books it for a safer place, somewhere there is no Godzilla. Well Godzilla isn’t having any of this and gives chase. We cut to the Nevada desert where Momma Muto has hatched and has feed on the Nuclear buffet she was being stored in. And thanks to a slight error in the decision to store her egg where they did, she feeds on a shit load of radioactive waste and grows bigger and more badass than her main squeeze. So with a belly full of radiation and an alarming amount of babies kicking around in her lady bits, she sets out to find Poppa Muto and have herself one hell of a baby shower. Well being dummies that we as humans are, we devise a bunch of plans that most likely won’t work but will put a bunch of innocent people in harms way of a few nukes that they were going to use as bait. Well shit comes to ahead in good old San Fran when the 2 pent up Mutos meet up in China Town just in time for Momma to squirt out some babies. Well not to be out done Godzilla shows up a little too late, but just in time for a throw down with the soon to be happy parents of a load of bouncing baby earth destroyers. Well this is when the shit starts hitting the fan. Theres a live nuke somewhere in the city and so a bunch of dudes that are the right kind of crazy decide its a great plan to jump out of a pretty ok plane through an extremely big storm and blindly into the middle of a Kaiju big battle between Godzilla and the not so happy parents. As a bunch of crazy bastards make their way to the nuke to either disarm or remove the nuke from the city to drive the Mutos and Godzilla away from the city but also hopefully not blowup a bunch of people who are still in the city. Well Godzilla isn’t doing so well against both Momma and Poppa Muto, but thankfully Godzilla has little homie named Ford who stayed behind to set off a baby Muto BBQ. With a rather large and quite impressive explosion Ford distracted Momma with the fear that her little tikes might be in danger runs from the fight to check on the little crispy critters. In doing so leaves Poppa to battle Godzilla who at this point was getting beat down by the 2 Mutos, but with the bigger and badder Momma occupied, Godzilla capitalizes on the situation and turns the tables and after being thrown around a bunch by godzilla Poppa takes to the skies. Now Godzilla turns his attention back to Momma and figures its time to turn on the light show. With one of my favorite throwbacks to the old school days, Godzilla’s spiky scales that run from the tip of his tail all the way up his spine start to glow and pulse. Godzilla stands tall as Momma turns away from the BBQ master Ford towards the now imposing King of Monsters just in time to see him swell up and let loose his Atomic Breathe!!! Blasting that mean bitch straight in the face, neck and chest with that powerful blue flame, sending her crashing down atop her now deceased children. She attempts to get back up but he blasts that chick once again with another dose of the blue stuff and down she goes. At this point Ford hobbles off towards his crew down by the docks trying to get the warhead onto a boat to ship that shit out to sea away from the city. Seeing Momma smoldering in the wreckage and smoking tomb of their kiddos, Poppa decides to to use his ariel advantage on his foe, Godzilla decides “LET’S FINISH THIS” and tail whips a dive bombing Poppa, smashing him into a large skyscraper and impaling him with shards of the building, we get to see the lights go out of the oozing Poppa as he slowly dies. But Godzilla miscalculated the force of his attack on Poppa into the building, and in doing so the skyscraper crumbles down atop our battling hero knocking him down just long enough for Momma to make her way down to the pier to try and stop the soldiers she thinks are responsible for the murder of her eggs. The desperate soldiers open fire on Momma but she lays the smack down on them, literally smashing them from the boat just as she’s about to trap the nuke from the boat another group of soldiers from further down the pier join the fight and blast that bitch with a few rockets. Now super pissed Momma turns her attention and starts murdering solder after soldier. Ford by this time has made his way down to the docks just in time to see the boys on the boat get taken out and witnesses the 2nd group get eaten and smashed. he stumbles onto the deck of the boat with the nuke and sets the auto pilot to drive to the middle ocean away from the city. Well Momma isn’t going to stand for that. She sets off her EMP weapon and shuts the boat down. She then leans down and just as she’s about to nom-nom down on Ford, Godzilla clamps down on her neck and pulls the bitch away from his beaten and battered homie. He grabs ahold of her by the top and bottom jaw, spreads that bitches mouth wide open and lets loose a devastating blast of his atomic breathe directly into the gaping mouth and burns Momma from the inside out, he keeps it going until the head burns away from the body and he walks away holding the decapitated trophy and lets loose a deafening ROAR. The boat with both the nuke and Ford powers back up and continues on out to sea. Before its gets to far, Ford is recused by a helicopter and the boat drives out and the nuke detonates safely away from shore. Godzilla now tuckered out from the fights, crashes down in the middle of the city, and is thought to be dead. But as any great hero picks himself back up and struts back to the ocean, he lets out another ROAR and then swims off to parts unknown to slumber until he’s need once again to defend his planet. Ford is reunited with his wife and kid and everyone lives happily ever after… UNTIL THE ALREADY CONFIRMED SEQUEL!
Well there you have it. A long winded synopses of the Return of The King Of Monsters to the silver screen.
I absolutely loved the movie, yes I would’ve loved to see more of the fights between Godzilla and the Mutos other than the snippets shown on TV news broadcasts that the human characters were watching. But I still thought they did an excellent job. The action was intense and the fight sequences were super badass. The Motion Capture they used for Godzilla was super cool, it helped make him come to life.
That’s it for the time being. Until next time!
C.O.D.Y.