I hate it here in Colorado. I'm sorry, but I do. I really enjoy my friends, but I just can't stand being in Colorado again. I just feel wrong here. I didn't really belong in Seattle either, but I was beginning to really grow into it. Now I'm stuck with this feeling of just being out of place.
With such short amount of time being here, there's no way I can get work, so I'm just stuck trying to fill up time. Yesterday I went on a graveyard tour, and tried to find old grave stones to take pictures of. I've just been wasting time, and I hate the feeling. Although the graveyards were interesting. Although I only went to Bingham hill (sort of by Bellevue [the colorado Bellevue not the Washington Bellevue]) and the one on harmony which I only visited briefly. I guess there's more to explore for later days.
Tommorow I'm playing Halo 2 with Derek and others. Should be slightly entertaining, although I don't know if I'll be able to play for as many hours as they can (I have my limits). Friday a party at Justin's which are amusing distractions, but can just be more frustrating than anything. The good news is Saturday I'm going to Lane's folk's land (no idea where it is) and we'll screw around there all day and come back for a concert that night. Should be fun. Oh yeah, Land of the Dead opens in Fort Collins on Friday, and I must see it. Maybe I should miss some of the party to go? Sunday is amtgard, but after that? Who knows.
I really forgot how poorly I got along with Father at times. We got in a pretty heated argument the other day, over pretty much nothing. I was glad when I could just leave and wander.
Fortunatley the trip to Denmark is drawing closer and this nightmare might be over sooner than later.
I keep feeling more instances of fucking up badly. The guilt is starting to nag at me again. I'm starting to lose it I think... I'm probably overreacting. I would go into details, but it only makes me feel worse. I'm just sick of fucking up all the time. All the time. Why do I have to constantly fail? What the fuck is wrong with me?
With such short amount of time being here, there's no way I can get work, so I'm just stuck trying to fill up time. Yesterday I went on a graveyard tour, and tried to find old grave stones to take pictures of. I've just been wasting time, and I hate the feeling. Although the graveyards were interesting. Although I only went to Bingham hill (sort of by Bellevue [the colorado Bellevue not the Washington Bellevue]) and the one on harmony which I only visited briefly. I guess there's more to explore for later days.
Tommorow I'm playing Halo 2 with Derek and others. Should be slightly entertaining, although I don't know if I'll be able to play for as many hours as they can (I have my limits). Friday a party at Justin's which are amusing distractions, but can just be more frustrating than anything. The good news is Saturday I'm going to Lane's folk's land (no idea where it is) and we'll screw around there all day and come back for a concert that night. Should be fun. Oh yeah, Land of the Dead opens in Fort Collins on Friday, and I must see it. Maybe I should miss some of the party to go? Sunday is amtgard, but after that? Who knows.
I really forgot how poorly I got along with Father at times. We got in a pretty heated argument the other day, over pretty much nothing. I was glad when I could just leave and wander.
Fortunatley the trip to Denmark is drawing closer and this nightmare might be over sooner than later.
I keep feeling more instances of fucking up badly. The guilt is starting to nag at me again. I'm starting to lose it I think... I'm probably overreacting. I would go into details, but it only makes me feel worse. I'm just sick of fucking up all the time. All the time. Why do I have to constantly fail? What the fuck is wrong with me?
samanthakayne:
hey, i have you on my pending list for SGCO - please check the group page for membership reqs and our next open event. maybe we can make CO a little more tolerable...