I've never been one to be jealous of people.. but I can't help but be jealous over my exes new girlfriend... And it sucks ass!! She's getting everything that I wanted and wished for. It sucks even more because I know my ex still has feelings for me.. but he's too afraid to work on us because of the pain that's there.. and it sucks that he can move along so easily because it's safe and pain free.. it sucks because he can just push away his feelings for me still be in love with me but just freely move on and pretend there's no feelings there anymore and my ass is still stuck on him because I can't do that.. 🤦🙄. I can't just throw away something that was pretty fucking great to the point where I was gonna marry him... I can't pretend like there's nothing there.. or that I don't feel that cosmic energy, or see the signs that we should try again, while he ignores every single one of them.. because he's too scared to try us again because he's afraid of failing and losing me altogether 😒. I'd rather try again knowing that I gave it my all and actually tried.. then sit here with the what ifs traveling through my head all the time.. I don't know how people do it, I don't know how people deal with jealousy, and how people can just hide feelings and not work on something that feels so right because of being afraid.. so, I guess I'll just take and post pictures and try to forget about him saying he wants to try again, and try forget about our fucking amazing sex life, forget about him probably at home fucking her.. when all I want is for him to be coming home to the family.. And all I want is to cuddle up next to him, and to be held by him again.. to forget about the what ifs and to be able to forget about the words he's said to me in just the last week.. hope everyone is doing well, and not dealing with the the green eyed monster, or any what ifs etc..
