This blog post is super raw in my feelings and emotional.. I may leave something at the end if you decide to scroll through and read it.
I've never loved anyone as much as I do you, it's weird how much I still love you after our breakup, and after you started dating someone new... I wish I could shake you around until you realize that we're really great together! That we really do make the perfect team. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish you could see that you're a powerful person who can get through anything.. you don't have to do it alone, I'm here. I wish that you wouldn't let fear run your life, and I wish you could see all the signs even the ones now that are trying to say it's okay to try again, it's okay to still hurt from the tragedies we went through, it's okay to be broken.. but it's not okay to run.. it's not okay to hide in the arms of another.
I wish you could see that even through everything we went through that we could of made it, I was rooting for you, for us! I wish you could see that I'm here for you. That I would of sat with you on the hard days like always, as well as the good ones. I would of understood your brokenness, the pain, anger, guilt etc.. but I would of kept by you no matter what because I loved/love you.. and remember that saying that i used to tell you, you mad take your ass to the bedroom and calm down because we're gonna work through this.. I wish that's what you would of done.. I wish, you took a break to regather yourself and realized that not all was lost.. that you were just scared, you still are.
I want our family back, I wanna grow old with you and watch our kids grow up together. I wanna build a house with you, I wanna travel with you, I wanna do so many things with you...
I miss our dates, your playful banter, I miss you touching me because you couldn't keep your hands off of me, I miss you grabbing my butt as I walked up the stairs and me saying stop it I'm gonna fall lol, I miss our talks, I miss laying next to you, I miss our texts to one another, I miss our incredible sex! I miss stroking your beard that I basically made you grow and I'm glad I did 😉. I miss your puns, I miss the car drives and jamming out to songs together, I miss our late night food runs, I miss morning coffee with you, I miss family dates, I miss giving you blow jobs, I miss holding your hand, I miss the way you looked at me like I was the only person on the planet, I miss watching anime with you, I miss just talking about our future together. I miss the way we'd laugh at the stupid silly things, I miss holding one another, ugh there's so much more that I miss...
I should hate you, I really should.. but I don't.. I've tried too and I can't. I do hate having this hope of us getting back together while knowing that you're already dating again. I hate that you can't see that we could and still could make it work. I hate that you never got to see how much I changed. I hate that I can't have sex with you anymore, I hate that our family was broken because of your fear, I hate that we had issues in the first place that we both forgot how to communicate after that tragedy.. I hate so many things about this, but I don't hate you.. I still love you, I'm still in love with you and your beautiful soul. I secretly hope that one day you'll wake up and realize that this new relationship you're in.. yeah, she may be a nice lady, and she may be sweet, but I think you're with her because you're afraid to try again, she's an easy person because there's no pain or agony there.. I secretly hope that you'll realize that you made a huge mistake and you'll realize that you too are still in love with me, and that what you're searching for... Is right here, it's been right here all along.
