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redfirefaery

Member Since 2004

Followers 29 Following 22

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Wednesday Oct 10, 2007

Oct 10, 2007
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i've had a week of big giant WTF-ery. really. a week.


it started when nostalgia landed in my myspace inbox... it's in my last post.


then i got a message from a coworker who "had so much to say" but due to our primary communication being work email, he chose instead to send me the first 12 lines of Rush's Anagram (for M.O.N.G.O.). here they are:

There's a snake coming out of the darkness
Parade from paradise
End the need for eden
Chase the dreams of merchandise
There is tic and toc in atomic
Leaders make a deal
The cosmic is largely comic
A con they couldn't conceal
There is no safe seat at the feast
Take your best stab at the beast
The night is turning thin
The saint is turning to sin

apparently, i've got his attention in quite an impressive way. the man with the massive walls of self-protection is very much interested. FABU.


the last thing (so far), and the thing that is screwing with me the most, is the message i received on facebook. ok so i'm a networking website whore. sue me. back to the point. i got this message from a woman who used to be my best friend. as in will never be even an acquaintance again, used to be.

a little history - nearly 4 years ago, she joined my then boyfriend and i for a couple of nights. we had a really great time. everything seemed ok. until a month later, when she accepted the proposal of a guy she was barely dating and barely knew, and made plans for a wedding 6 months later. rushing it anyone? meanwhile, i fell hard for a friend i'll call pale girl, who was part of our group of friends. the usual group hanging out at least once a week was the Pack - ex-friend and her guy, pale girl and her hubby (ooo don't even get me started on THAT big giant lump of closeted gay!), and me and my now ex-bf. one day, when it was just the 3 of us girls, while pale girl was busy with something on her own, my ex-friend told me flat out that yes, i was right, she was rushing the wedding, and that she was in love with me and couldn't handle it. oh, she also said she wouldn't get in the way regarding pale girl. that was about the time of the bachelorette party pale girl and i arranged for her... then, a couple weeks later, she decided that pale girl and i were "lying to and cheating on our guys constantly," and she "didn't want people like that in her wedding." really, she had not a freaking clue what was going on. she didn't believe that when a person chooses honesty as a lifestyle rather than a convenience, even things that hurt them are aired. she assumed that i was so open about the things i was open about in order to hide the "really bad" whatever i might be doing. i wasn't hiding a damn thing. i guess that's what i got for being too honest. i was telling my bf about all i felt and wanted before anything happened, making sure that he had the opportunity to tell me to stop, or that he wanted to be involved, anything. pale girl was the same with her mr. but according to the ex-friend, we were liars and cheaters, and all of it was out of jealousy and wedding jitters she caused herself. she ditched us completely because she loved me. not shy about sharing her opinions with the rest of our social group (not just the Pack), she lost me a whole bunch of friends, too, convincing them i couldn't be trusted. the woman who had been my partner in crime and confidant for years was suddenly someone i couldn't trust, and it wrecked me.

that's history. i thought it was entirely going to remain history until i checked my messages this morning to find this next bit. it was simply titled "sorry".
"well, look who's in the rochester network. hope all is well with you. i just wanted to apologize for how all that crap went down 4 years ago. what a mess. it wasn't worth losing friends over."

i don't even know if i should acknowledge her apology. she was the cause of one of the shittiest things i've ever been through because she couldn't accept herself. so she feels the need to remind me of all that? i hope she doesn't expect me to "do the polite thing". i think i'm not going to respond at all. let it rot in my inbox, maybe, as a reminder that the past does come back, and sometimes it's cocky enough to ask forgiveness...


now, i'm wondering, what's next?

♥
the_deacon:
Chin up hon...I hate when something pops up and sparks those old feelings and blasts from the past with all the details we try and put behind us...a reminder of our past is sure to always come up somewhere...

I just typed out an enormous email to a friend outlining my past years and why probably can't or don't deserve someone good for me in life...strange days. I called off work wednesday...just couldn't go in and face the shite. Worked at home first and then took dogs for walk, went for long car ride to look at the colors and then hiked at SB Elliot park just to get out and away. I am down real bad this week...tearful at random even and I dion't really know why. Things have changed for me in many ways....just can't get a handle on them. I work tomorrow but will be dreading it. I am finally off a string of days and can't wait...I really just sort of need a hug but there isn't any around here...haha.

I have only emails to read...no other myspace or any of that jazz...i wish I could find one site...one nature, outdoorsy, hiking related maybe site to post pictures to and upload all my fun on there....i sort of use SG as myspace.

too much jumping from topic to topic for me today...sorry dear. so what's next for you? HOpefully only good smiles and thoughts and good times, You are a very sweet gal that deserves them! wink
Oct 10, 2007
mokole:
ya, i don't think it's worth it. i remember when you went thru a lot of this, and honestly, maybe i'm not too forgiving, but if it happens once, it can happen again, and people who are able to throw away a friendship, with someone they claim to love, are way to unstable for me to allow in my life anymore. i'm too old to put up with people who create highschool drama smile *hugs* missed you by the way
Oct 21, 2007

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