See one of my favorite things about this here SuicideGirls website here is the fact I can say (or rather type) what I'm thinking about or wanting to say with out any judgement. Now that's not saying people who read my stuff judge me anyway, they do, but I don't know any of you on this physical plane of existence. So it really doesn't matter.
Anywho what has been on my mind lately is my interactions with my friends and their relationships in varying states of decay. I have three in particular.
First one involves a coworker and his now ex-fiancé. The situation here is they found each other on tinder(first mistake IMO). In four months they went from GF/BF to marriage. I supported the both of them (because secretly behind my salty exterior, I absolutely love and adore love and marriage and weddings. I like that stuff. It makes me feel good). Then through a series of events, none short of their own immaturity and her fucked up and abusive parents, it ended. Now he's a gruff person. Not the easiest to get along with at and kind of a giant asshole, he's never asked to talk to me or sought out my ear and my own opinions. She on the other hand talked to me about the whole thing and how she felt and blah blah. PAUSE. If you ever get the chance to actually truly get to know me, I love to listen to people and hear what they have to say and try to help them if they have issues or problems. I am also one of the most genuine people you may ever meet. Ask my friends. That is what I STRIVE to do every single time. UNPAUSE. Through the course of her and I talking she mentions her being suicidal. Instant red flag. So I keep talking to her thinking I can help keep her on an even keel. Minions comes out and I decide to see if she wants to go and see it with me (face it, if a 28 year old shows up to see a kid movie by himself people ask questions). Strictly friends, she's 20....not my cup of tea. He ends up finding out through her (she's been gagging to have him back) and now suddenly I am not "loyal". Did I do wrong here? I am struggling to think I did the right thing. I believe I did.....
Second situation. These other two friends are some of my favorite people. They are my favorites because, to me, they don't look at me in a strange or odd way. They look at me and except who I am. They are special to me. They've had relationship troubles. He's to clingy and she's to young and slightly immature. He's been in the army and done the whole "party thing", lived life so to speak. She's, as far as I know, only lived in one place and JUST turned 21. He's kinda like me in the sense that he's sensitive and he cares to much. She's a bit of a flirt and a floozy. She's has cheated before and it seems she's doing it on purpose. PAUSE. The joke around the shop is I have three personalities. Scott is the joker and the laugher. He thinks everything is hilarious and deserves a laugh. Thomas is the voice of reason. He is the nice guy. He is the one often saying "Come on guys we shouldn't..." And then there is Albert. He is the one that is constantly saying "Fuck you cocksucker!!". He is the bad influence. Now "Scott" and "Albert" get along great. Together they are more often then not louder and over shadow "Thomas". UNPAUSE. There have been more then one occasion where she has made passes at me. Sometimes diliberately and directly in front of me. Now their relationship is one of those ones where they publicly (and jokingly) call each other bitch. He says she has small tits, she says he has a small dick blah blah. That kind of relationship. I digress. When she says these things toward me, "Scott" and "Albert" go "fuck yeah man! If they actually split you can get laid!!!" And "Thomas" is over here going "don't do that man. That's not cool." They have split. She's taking the split seriously and he's still clinging on. There was one point where she said to me "if he doesn't leave can I come over and stay at your place?" I said yes. "Thomas" wanted to just be a friend and be nice and offer her a place to stay. But "Scott" and "Albert" we're thinking they were gonna get laid. Now I've also been a friend to him. He's talked to me about his grievances and I've fed him feedback. I've done my damnedest to be the good person too him. And I think for the most part I have. The struggle here is more so a struggle of loyalty then the first because I've known both of them for about the same amount of time. The first one I knew him first, then she came along later.
Third situation. This one is, I think the most ironically humorous of the three. This one directly involved another person and I. First a little back story. Let's roll the clock back to November 14th. A new resteraunt opened up in town, Mellow Mushroom (I'm from the North, we don't have those up there). I decide to go this one day cause I'm out and about by myself. Because of this I decide to sit at the bar. I spot the bartender and think to myself "man, she's actually really attractive." She comes over and before she even asks me what I want to drink, she says to me "did you just shower? You smell like axe." INSTANTLY the ice is broken and I imagine my face looked something like this, 😍. Long story short she leads me on for what turns out to be 6 long and fruitless months. I felt terrible for a few weeks after it all crashed down. Anywho few months later I'm at my favorite bar with a buddy of mine. He starts talking to this one girl who is there with her friend. PAUSE. This has been one of the only times on record where I have successfully been able to ACTUALLY be a good wingman. UNPAUSE. I notice her friend is sitting semi by herself and that she had a tattoo. So i think " good, a talking point." I sit down, ask her about her tattoo and discover.......it's a freakin' Star Wars tattoo. Once again I imagine my face looked like this, 😍. We talk. We become "Facebook" friends. Through out the course of the night I discover, much to my dismay, that she is married. I imagine my face looked like this, 😭. Night continues on, eventually she asks for a ride for her and her friend to go home. My other buddy comes with. He stays, unsuccessfully. I go home by myself. I discover the next day that she dropped her ID in my car. I get a hold of her, return the ID. We continue to talk. We meet up a Starbucks a few times to hangout (my intentions at this point are honestly and strictly friendship.) PAUSE. I have ONE other time in my life, been apart of an affair. I had sexual relations with a married woman before. If you talk to me I will tell you this is my one and only regret in life. UNPAUSE. One thing leads to another, she ends up coming over and eventually we end up having coitus. Multiple times. PAUSE. Towards the end of those aforementioned 6 months, whilst going through where I could have actually made serious progress towards actually having a relationship with that women, it was discovered that twice I was given open and blatant invitations to be alone with this women. She also had a BF of 4 years. That was a t a one when I was trying my damnedest to be righteous and not go for taken women. My buddy said to me "Sometimes you have disregard doing right and just do life." UNPAUSE. So this time I decided to do life, go with the flow. I'm going to say this right now, I had the best sex I've had in my life during those times. I enjoyed myself and her. For those moments, it actually felt like it was just me and her. This is something I have never experienced. She moved away, and I'm stuck here. We still talk, but I feel it's slowing down. The struggle I'm having here is "Scott" and "Albert" are telling me I had one of the best times in my entire life and "Thomas" is saying what I did is wrong.
Sigh.........the lessons of life, they are ever flowing.
Thank you to those who read this diatribe. It is honestly the longest thing I have ever sat down and thought about writing. My English and literature teachers would be flabbergasted and hopefully proud. Thank you for your time.
I do appreciate any and all comments you may have. Please leave them where you may. I would truly like to read them.