My last post mentioned a mysterious something that was missing. I still feel as though I haven't found it.
I thought I was missing a friend of mine, who just so happens to be an ex of the past. She's the best friend I have and probably the best I'll ever have. I thought at one point after talking to her that that was what I was missing. You know... the one person you can spill your guts to, doesn't mind listening to that garbage you call a life, and doesn't wait for her turn to talk but instead actually tries to help your situation.
Even after several long talks and realizing how awesome it was to have this type of person in my life I still feel as though there's something missing. I'll probably never find it now that I realize "it" is missing. Either way...
At this moment my job will expire sometime in September. Volkswagon is moving the production line in April. I work on that line. Rumor has it, when the line goes the people on it go. Any other time I wouldn't mind. I'd rejoice, literally. But... I have insufficiant funds at the moment to rejoice. My plans for Special Effects Make up seems to be further planned than April. Bills have been adding up lately. The tax return I recieved of 790 bucks doesn't seem like very much now.
I do believe though, that a 13-14 months away from this blackhole of a town would be very good for me. Hell maybe it'll give me a bit more hope for society as a whole because right now I couldn't be more sick when I turn on the TV. Even looking at my friends I get disgusted. They're all having children it seems. As if bringing a child into your little fucked up world will lighten the finacial load by providing you with hours upon hours of crying and shit filled diapers. This also makes things more annoying on my part as I have to hear the stories of what the baby did the night before. Like it's the first time in baby history that it made a face when it tasted the mooshed up green beans you fed it. I couldn't care less about your children to be honest. I don't see them everyday, I don't bathe and feed them, I don't cradle them to sleep in my fatherly arms everynight. I pray to whatever god listens that I don't hear another "awww, baby so and so did whatever all babies do last night, it was so cute!"
One day I'll give up on life. I'll find a mediocre female companion that will have me but I'm not really happy with. I'll give up on my hopes and aspirations. Stop dreaming of constructive things to do and have some kids. At least seeing little 2 foot tall children act like retards can be mildly amusing. Until then I'll just continue to be pissed off without good reason.
I also congradulate any of you that actually read this. Since I haven't been posting much over the last several months I figure I've lost quite a few interests of you guys.
"The Cup of Death" By Elihu Vedder
I thought I was missing a friend of mine, who just so happens to be an ex of the past. She's the best friend I have and probably the best I'll ever have. I thought at one point after talking to her that that was what I was missing. You know... the one person you can spill your guts to, doesn't mind listening to that garbage you call a life, and doesn't wait for her turn to talk but instead actually tries to help your situation.
Even after several long talks and realizing how awesome it was to have this type of person in my life I still feel as though there's something missing. I'll probably never find it now that I realize "it" is missing. Either way...
At this moment my job will expire sometime in September. Volkswagon is moving the production line in April. I work on that line. Rumor has it, when the line goes the people on it go. Any other time I wouldn't mind. I'd rejoice, literally. But... I have insufficiant funds at the moment to rejoice. My plans for Special Effects Make up seems to be further planned than April. Bills have been adding up lately. The tax return I recieved of 790 bucks doesn't seem like very much now.
I do believe though, that a 13-14 months away from this blackhole of a town would be very good for me. Hell maybe it'll give me a bit more hope for society as a whole because right now I couldn't be more sick when I turn on the TV. Even looking at my friends I get disgusted. They're all having children it seems. As if bringing a child into your little fucked up world will lighten the finacial load by providing you with hours upon hours of crying and shit filled diapers. This also makes things more annoying on my part as I have to hear the stories of what the baby did the night before. Like it's the first time in baby history that it made a face when it tasted the mooshed up green beans you fed it. I couldn't care less about your children to be honest. I don't see them everyday, I don't bathe and feed them, I don't cradle them to sleep in my fatherly arms everynight. I pray to whatever god listens that I don't hear another "awww, baby so and so did whatever all babies do last night, it was so cute!"
One day I'll give up on life. I'll find a mediocre female companion that will have me but I'm not really happy with. I'll give up on my hopes and aspirations. Stop dreaming of constructive things to do and have some kids. At least seeing little 2 foot tall children act like retards can be mildly amusing. Until then I'll just continue to be pissed off without good reason.
I also congradulate any of you that actually read this. Since I haven't been posting much over the last several months I figure I've lost quite a few interests of you guys.
"The Cup of Death" By Elihu Vedder
also, i read something interesting the other day that your situation brings to mind. basically, the writer said, it's always something. it's like there's a big space reserved in life for that obstacle standing between us and our happiness. and sometimes we have big things to fill that space. but when we don't, the little things swell to fill the space so it always feels like there's some major obstacle, when really this is not always the case. obviously i of all people am in no position to sit here and judge the size of your obstacles, so i hope you don't take it that way. but is an interesting thought. gives some perspective i think.
that is a cool painting. i googled the artist and looked at some of his other work. he reminds me of somebody. it's the use of color. but i can't put my finger on who it is. maybe it'll come to me later...