recursive

Did you ever have one of those nights where you just look around at your life and say "What the fuck happened?" How did I end up alone and miserable in a studio apartment with three cats?

How is it even possible that the woman I love tossed me aside like garbage after five years, without even giving me a decent reason why?

One of those nights where you down a bottle of wine and don't feel drunk, just sad?

One of those nights where you are reaching for anger just because you are tired of crying? Trying for rage, because after all this time the only emotion you feel towards her is love?

When you feel gutted every time you see her? Left alone again at the end of the night, knowing she is headed off to be with him. Wanting to call her, to say the magic words that are always just on the tip of your tongue that will bring her back.

When you know you are going to lie half awake all night, waiting for the touch of her that is never going to come. Just waitng for that familiar weight to settle next to you in bed. That arm, to just reach out and encircle you and let you know you are loved.

Instead knowing deep down you are just going to wake, alone, in the weak light of morning, knowing you are about to face another day without her. Knowing there is nothing you can do about it. That may be the worst part.