Sometimes I just want to scream out my rage and frustration over what's happened to me. I want to know how I ended up with this pathetic waste of a life. I want to know how I became this sad mess, hunting for little bits of affection, chasing after pieces of meaning, trying to make sense of what has happened and how I got here.
Sometimes I want to call people and scream about how they wronged me. How I deserved better then this. How I am a good, intelligent, caring person, and that I don't deserve the life I am living. That they fucked me up beyond recognition to the point that I don't even know who I am anymore. That life wasn't supposed to be this way.
But I know, deep down, that more then anything the one I want to scream at is myself. For desicions made poorly, for mistakes carried too far, for judgements made knowing full well that they were wrong. Because I know I am the reason my life is in the state that it is, and I have only myself to blame.
Sometimes I want to call people and scream about how they wronged me. How I deserved better then this. How I am a good, intelligent, caring person, and that I don't deserve the life I am living. That they fucked me up beyond recognition to the point that I don't even know who I am anymore. That life wasn't supposed to be this way.
But I know, deep down, that more then anything the one I want to scream at is myself. For desicions made poorly, for mistakes carried too far, for judgements made knowing full well that they were wrong. Because I know I am the reason my life is in the state that it is, and I have only myself to blame.
Keep on keeping on ... it'll get better.