recoveringmale

After a couple days of trying to get a hold of him, I finally reached my old friend James. 4 years since we last spoke. Ive had recurring dreams where we would meet again, sometimes in joyful embrace, sometimes in bitter indifference. After a while I never expected to see him again. When I finally got him on the phone tonight he was very much the same, and yet not what I had expected. That is, it wasnt as I had dreamt it would go. Why did I think it would be? What a foolish and romantic notion, exaggerated and crystallized by nocturnal repetition into a pretty picture. What does four years do to a person? I wonder how I have changed, and cant really say. I am anxious about seeing him tomorrow, afraid that it was all in my head. Something I dreamed up.
I woke up this morning and looked at my clock. 9 am. I told myself I should get up and do some writing, when my body knew perfectly well that it wasnt budging. I lay there thinking about it until I dozed off. Half asleep I thought that this moment was like any other; I could get up or I could give in. I could do this for the rest of my fucking life if I dont decide sometime to get up and get to it.

I've just started listening to Built to Spill's Perfect From Now On. I hadn't really heard anything by them until yesterday.
My god, where have I been?


'Begging your pardon,' said Sam. 'I don't think you understand my master at all. He isn't hesitating about which way to go. Of course not! But he's afraid. Now it comes to the point, he's just plain terrified. That's what his trouble is.'
-Fellowship of the Ring

and:

'It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish, as my old gaffer used to say.'