I wish I could paint this image:
The bud of a flower, with a beautiful brain resting inside, nestled in the warmth. All of its ideas and feeling and sounds floating around - little balls of multicolored light bouncing off the close, cushioned walls. Each of the concepts is so refined, and they all can connect together like puzzle pieces in a long line.
The organ expresses itself in its own jargon-filled language. Everything is so clear and wonderfully close to making perfect sense. It's safe.
The bud will never bloom (until it speaks the same language). Because, it can't.
I don't communicate well.
Sometimes I think I best express myself through physical contact. People can feel what I think and mean through touch. Maybe that's why I completely shut down last year.
My most functional and cherished emotional outlet is scarred, but at least by realizing this all now - I know that it's so much closer to being healed. That mark is going to be there forever, though - and I don't know if I should hate it and seek revenge on the asshole who tore a huge part of me open, saying, "Good riddance - you belong in Iraq." Or should I thank him? "Thank you, Adam, for spawning the largest transformation and self-defining time in my life thus far. It's a shame you had to hurt me to do it, but at least I experienced that, too. And all of it was in the righteous name of self-discovery and fear."
***** SIDE NOTE *****
Our society is hilarious, small, pointless, depressing, unmotivating, and overrated.
But, humanity can be so fucking beautiful. The power of the unknown is acknowledged in my life practically by the minute, on either a concious or subconcious level. It can make my life seem so pointless. And then I talk to some people who are absolutely wonderful and amazing, and the fact that they acknowledge this with me and still care to love me and humanity blows my mind. So, so overwhelming and incredible.
The bud of a flower, with a beautiful brain resting inside, nestled in the warmth. All of its ideas and feeling and sounds floating around - little balls of multicolored light bouncing off the close, cushioned walls. Each of the concepts is so refined, and they all can connect together like puzzle pieces in a long line.
The organ expresses itself in its own jargon-filled language. Everything is so clear and wonderfully close to making perfect sense. It's safe.
The bud will never bloom (until it speaks the same language). Because, it can't.
I don't communicate well.
Sometimes I think I best express myself through physical contact. People can feel what I think and mean through touch. Maybe that's why I completely shut down last year.
My most functional and cherished emotional outlet is scarred, but at least by realizing this all now - I know that it's so much closer to being healed. That mark is going to be there forever, though - and I don't know if I should hate it and seek revenge on the asshole who tore a huge part of me open, saying, "Good riddance - you belong in Iraq." Or should I thank him? "Thank you, Adam, for spawning the largest transformation and self-defining time in my life thus far. It's a shame you had to hurt me to do it, but at least I experienced that, too. And all of it was in the righteous name of self-discovery and fear."
***** SIDE NOTE *****
Our society is hilarious, small, pointless, depressing, unmotivating, and overrated.
But, humanity can be so fucking beautiful. The power of the unknown is acknowledged in my life practically by the minute, on either a concious or subconcious level. It can make my life seem so pointless. And then I talk to some people who are absolutely wonderful and amazing, and the fact that they acknowledge this with me and still care to love me and humanity blows my mind. So, so overwhelming and incredible.
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so if you like yourself right now, and where you are mentally, then you can only be grateful of everything that's happened to you thus far. pain sucks but it's transient. what you've gained from your experiences is permenent.
anyway, that's how i think about it.
as for society: it's fucked. that's why me and most of my friends are rather at the extremeties (the left to be precise). Time keeps moving, though, and all we can do is whatever we can to change the future.