La, la, la...this is my procrastination/I'm still stoned journal entry.
I needed tonight very much - the paper can happen tomorrow afternoon before class (I hope). It's all going to be a load of bullshit anyway.
So my horn professor decided to rip me after I played my solo. I was so nervous when I went up there and I showed it. He took my jitters as arrogance somehow, and accused me of not caring and being cavalier - in front of the whole horn section. It hurt so much. I worked really hard on that solo and he had the nerve to say I don't care. Aren't my nerves proof that I do?!
I talked to Travis after wind symphony for the first time today. He's an amazing musician and he was at CCM and CIM before coming to OSU. He asked what year I was and when I said freshman he said "transfer." We talked for a good 20 minutes. He said "This place will fuck you up." I don't really need to spit out all the details. I also don't want to believe him, but so far - he's right in even more ways than he could imagine. I want to tell myself that I am the one with the problem, not the OSU school of music, but I think we probably both have some issues...a lot. My issues don't help them and vice versa. *sigh* Second day in a row that I have thought, "What the fuck am I doing here?!"
Next quarter must save me. Or I have to save myself...or something.
I have to write a paper now - or sleep and do the paper before 5 tomorrow. My bed looks so amazing right now...
"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
...I am such an addict...clicking that little fellow does way too much for me. hehehe
I needed tonight very much - the paper can happen tomorrow afternoon before class (I hope). It's all going to be a load of bullshit anyway.
So my horn professor decided to rip me after I played my solo. I was so nervous when I went up there and I showed it. He took my jitters as arrogance somehow, and accused me of not caring and being cavalier - in front of the whole horn section. It hurt so much. I worked really hard on that solo and he had the nerve to say I don't care. Aren't my nerves proof that I do?!
I talked to Travis after wind symphony for the first time today. He's an amazing musician and he was at CCM and CIM before coming to OSU. He asked what year I was and when I said freshman he said "transfer." We talked for a good 20 minutes. He said "This place will fuck you up." I don't really need to spit out all the details. I also don't want to believe him, but so far - he's right in even more ways than he could imagine. I want to tell myself that I am the one with the problem, not the OSU school of music, but I think we probably both have some issues...a lot. My issues don't help them and vice versa. *sigh* Second day in a row that I have thought, "What the fuck am I doing here?!"
Next quarter must save me. Or I have to save myself...or something.
I have to write a paper now - or sleep and do the paper before 5 tomorrow. My bed looks so amazing right now...
"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
...I am such an addict...clicking that little fellow does way too much for me.
heheheVIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
kellyjanice:
oh ya and he is an ass for ripping you like that... my band instructor used to do the same thing i just learned to let it go right through me... but it still hurt periodically
mnislahi:
hahah! reading my last post i realized i suck at typing!! lol! OMGOMGOMG COMMENT RANDOM EMOTE!!!!!! *sigh* no, thats not right... COMMENT PIRATE EMOTE. Yay! hey are u feeling better?