You know what? I am pissed the fuck off at the world right now!
Where to fucking start? Where to fucking start!
Let's start with friends, let's start with people who you are supposedly fucking cool with who are too damned awesome to be bothered when you really need them! Let's start with those people, one's so called fucking buddies!
Let's talk about someone I loved like a fucking brother, who I would have moved heaven and earth for, who blew me off for weeks, then backed out of moving in on me, left me short of fucking money, almost got me fucking evicted from my fucking house! And then gave me fucking attitude!
Like I was the dick! Who took my side in situations and down the road acts like I am a fucking asshole to support his bullshit in a completely different situation because that is what friends do evidentially!
And then despite knowing that two of my relatives died, despite knowing my dad was sick, that my sister was due, and he doesn't even fucking call to see how I am! He shows up one fucking day, and acts like everything is cool, and then goes around and acts like I am a dick because I gave him the cold fucking shoulder!
Yeah, thanks for popping into my life after a month of Hell to sit on my fucking couch, buddy! I should be grateful you squeezed me into your schedule, fuck you too!
And then there are people, a ton of people, supposedly my friends! Supposedly people I am cool with, and those people? Surprise, surprise, surprise! Can't be bothered either, but unlike this first guy I called them! I called them because I needed a friend, I needed someone to talk to!
Well, I guess everyone is fucking busy! Too busy for emails, too busy for text messages, too busy for phone calls!
So here I am, my fucking dad is sick with cancer! He can't fucking move from the waist down, and no one knows what the problem is! No one knows if he will ever fucking walk again! And here I am a few states away wondering if he will ever get to walk again, wondering if he will get to play with his grandkids, wondering how my mother who can barely walk is helping him!
And you know what? I wonder some nights, some dark and lonely nights? Why I am still fucking here? For my friends? Right.
Right.
I go into work, and I bust my ass all day, and I watch more of my friends (and I am starting to put a sarcastic tinge in that word when I say it, like a fucking sneer of pure contempt) stand around and be lazy! They do nothing all fucking day, and then when shit hits the fan?
Guess who gets bitched at? Guess!
And then the bosses have the balls, the very fucking balls to wonder why I am mad? And my friends wonder why I am upset!
And I want to fucking scream! I want to just fucking scream!
And then the best part of all of this bullshit? The very best part of it? People I cut out of my life, people I fucking shoved aside and quit talking to because of things they did that I didn't like! People I said weren't my friends?
Those are the fucking people who call me, those are the people who come to my house after I flat out told them how much I desired to fucking end them, those are the people who bother! Those are the people who call and ask how I am doing? Do I need anything?
Ha!
HA!HA!
The fucking irony, the fucking insanity of it all!
It's like some fucking cosmic joke!
You know what I need?
A fucking hug? Or maybe a fucking single bullet and a gun! Because I have had about enough of all this fucking shit!
Fuck!
Where to fucking start? Where to fucking start!
Let's start with friends, let's start with people who you are supposedly fucking cool with who are too damned awesome to be bothered when you really need them! Let's start with those people, one's so called fucking buddies!
Let's talk about someone I loved like a fucking brother, who I would have moved heaven and earth for, who blew me off for weeks, then backed out of moving in on me, left me short of fucking money, almost got me fucking evicted from my fucking house! And then gave me fucking attitude!
Like I was the dick! Who took my side in situations and down the road acts like I am a fucking asshole to support his bullshit in a completely different situation because that is what friends do evidentially!
And then despite knowing that two of my relatives died, despite knowing my dad was sick, that my sister was due, and he doesn't even fucking call to see how I am! He shows up one fucking day, and acts like everything is cool, and then goes around and acts like I am a dick because I gave him the cold fucking shoulder!
Yeah, thanks for popping into my life after a month of Hell to sit on my fucking couch, buddy! I should be grateful you squeezed me into your schedule, fuck you too!
And then there are people, a ton of people, supposedly my friends! Supposedly people I am cool with, and those people? Surprise, surprise, surprise! Can't be bothered either, but unlike this first guy I called them! I called them because I needed a friend, I needed someone to talk to!
Well, I guess everyone is fucking busy! Too busy for emails, too busy for text messages, too busy for phone calls!
So here I am, my fucking dad is sick with cancer! He can't fucking move from the waist down, and no one knows what the problem is! No one knows if he will ever fucking walk again! And here I am a few states away wondering if he will ever get to walk again, wondering if he will get to play with his grandkids, wondering how my mother who can barely walk is helping him!
And you know what? I wonder some nights, some dark and lonely nights? Why I am still fucking here? For my friends? Right.
Right.
I go into work, and I bust my ass all day, and I watch more of my friends (and I am starting to put a sarcastic tinge in that word when I say it, like a fucking sneer of pure contempt) stand around and be lazy! They do nothing all fucking day, and then when shit hits the fan?
Guess who gets bitched at? Guess!
And then the bosses have the balls, the very fucking balls to wonder why I am mad? And my friends wonder why I am upset!
And I want to fucking scream! I want to just fucking scream!
And then the best part of all of this bullshit? The very best part of it? People I cut out of my life, people I fucking shoved aside and quit talking to because of things they did that I didn't like! People I said weren't my friends?
Those are the fucking people who call me, those are the people who come to my house after I flat out told them how much I desired to fucking end them, those are the people who bother! Those are the people who call and ask how I am doing? Do I need anything?
Ha!
HA!HA!
The fucking irony, the fucking insanity of it all!
It's like some fucking cosmic joke!
You know what I need?
A fucking hug? Or maybe a fucking single bullet and a gun! Because I have had about enough of all this fucking shit!
Fuck!
aesirr:
Damn man, that sounds really crappy. I'll offer you a hug, Geoff Hugs are known to be good. Hope you get some breakthroughs in your life soon man.
finch:
thanks for the comment on my set 