Hello SGLand! No, I haven't forgotten about you and no, I haven't been in a sleeping spell either (although I do sleep A LOT)- I am usually on the site from my phone, and I like to write blogs/respond to messages from a PC. However, I almost never find myself sitting down at an actual PC- the lights from PCs (and even my phone) give me massive headaches- nausea, dizziness, the works. But it simply has been TOO long, & I must get back to my loves!
I wrote a blog a while ago, but it closed out and didn't save a draft ;( womp womp.
So, last time I checked in with you all, I wasn't doing so well on the mental health frontier. It continued to get worse. My family actually drove down 3 hours from NJ to see me; they feared they would have to bring me home or hospitalize me while they visited, but thankfully that didn't happen. It was a struggle- it still is- I have a good day, I have a bad day. Off, on, off, on. One good day, two bad days, off, on, off, on, etc.
I finally decided to see a psychiatrist this past month. My mother tried this a few times when I was nine, which resulted in me literally running out of and away from the medical complex. My issues were too much for me to bear in that environment (crippling social anxiety, OCD, depression, etc.) and she did not understand them or how to handle me either (I didn't even understand it). Now, I went to a neuropsychiatrist in SC, but we didn't talk or try to get to my root issues- he just asked me what I thought was wrong with me, and gave me medicines (which debuted in the 1960s- and were primarily used for bedwetting). I wasn't ready to open up about my childhood, so I didn't care. But it is time for me to really try and become healthy.
This new doctor prescribed me Vyvanse, and I was very iffy about it. I had taken adderall for years, and while at first it was fine, after a couple of years I literally went insane. And weaning off of the meds were awful- talk about making my conditions worse.
The new doc up here had this interesting theory that all of my problems- my OCD, social anxiety, bipolar depression, everything else- was actually rooted in severe ADHD, and I was overcompensating through these other conditions. Now, I can get on board with most of his theory- but I know that my depression as well as some other things are simply not an effect of ADHD. So whatever, I tried his regimen- NOPE. I went nuts within a few days. After five days on the meds, I ceased taking them. It was bad- really bad. I had to lie in a dark room by myself practicing breathing methods to keep myself from destroying the house, hurting myself, hurting others, and generally going on a rampage. Then there was the shaking, the weight loss, the general awful side effects. Sorry doc. He wants to put me on a light stimulant now- we will see. I am not so sure about him. Also, he kept bringing up religion ( a very unprofessional thing to do, in my opinion) and that just made me feel weird.
I still have my bad days more often than not, but I am doing much better than I was a month ago (I also had the flu for two weeks while I was being weaned off two meds and introduced to a new one- it was hell!)
Let's see, other than that: Mercury retrograde is over! SIONARA(SP?), SUCKA! Always happy to see Mercury get back to "normal". And with the new moon (AND THE AGE OF PISCES NOW OMG) I can feel the new beginnings, the opportunities, the creative juices flowing- I can feel it, guys! Thank goodness. I was stagnant, and wasting away. I am finally booking shoots and paid work- which I desperately needed. Things were looking bad there for a while.
CATS! I ADOPTED TWO NEW CATS! My kitten was feeling lonely (we had another cat, but she is a loner) and was crying a lot for another feline friend. While my partner had his heart set on a male kitten, he ended up falling in love with a male Mainecoon at the ripe old age of 13. He is bonded with his sister, so they had to be adopted together. Now, those are my two favorite kinds of cats to adopt: Old and bonded!!! So we now have a beautiful Prince and his lovely sister Duchess :-) Prince is all black with some dignified white furs at the base of his tail, while Duchess is a small old tabby with an adorable fat bald belly you just want to squeeze all day. And here's the kicker: our birthdays are all in a row!
Lady: March 17th
Ravi: Mach 18th
Me: March 19th
Prince & Duchess: March 20th!!
We aren't sure of Ravi's birthday (she's a rescue), so I am just going to go with March 18th so that we can have a week of catebrations :)
They have all adjusted quite nicely. I have always wanted to rescue cats and simply have as many as possible, and I can't believe that I already have four of them just out of college! This is our max for now, though.
Yo guys- I turn 24 ONE MONTH from today! What is life? I never even imagined myself past the age of 20.
Welp, I am going to take a break for now. I haven't proofed this, so sorry if it is all over the place! I love you guys, and will be back to write more soon! I still have so much to update you all on <3 Let me know what's new in your lives!
