The Best Part About Travel....
Is the seeing everything to your weary eyes new for the first time feeling, goes deep and premiates your existance . It fucks deeply with the familiar, and resulting dreams are quite surreal. And you get to , if your open minded look at yourself anew. I can easily say I needed this.
Years before, bouncing around the city and country, working in different theatres not having the same show, longer than a few weeks when I was younger. That took the place of the Best Part About Travel. That made those moments. ( sometimes they still do, which is why I've avoided a real regular job, even in Theatre. )
But, these past few years....Working on repeat, remount performances of Beauty, long runs like Les Mis and dispatching huge numbers of guys in between for the Local on the Massive tours that have been coming to vancouver. I've fallen into the trap modern life. The Workaholic state. My carefully non-conformist, casual career has become full time, drag out through the year work.
I've been pulled out of that state every now and then. Most recently this summer, while being with Catherine. Her Youth, energy and exploring her beautiful body was like travel to an exotic land. She gave me wonderful dreams, ( sex with her was like a dream at times. ) That middle summer month with her was like getting a first class ticket to any shy older man's greatest fantasy. Having the attention of, and the experience of a georgous young vibrant women who seemed at times to have no clue how breathtakingly beautiful she was. When she focused on how alkward a moment was or her actions during the day, I was far too busy enjoying the line of her body or the shine of her hazel eyes to notice.
If I was selfish I would have done every manipulative thing I know to covet her and keep her for me . But, I was just so amazed that she wanted to be with me. I'm also happy I reacted to the end of it so well....15 years ago I could easily see myself falling so hard for her and having to be, dragged - kicked out screaming and crying, No!!!
The end result being, sad pathetic wimpering and whining on my part. Really, when I think about it I let her go better than I've let go of anyone. So I got to keep the best of our moments together real and pure ( At any time I was anxious during the flight here, I thought of all the almost fantasy sex I had with her - and just individual moments with her, talking about her future. And I felt O.K. facing that .001% real fear of flying that everyone has since september 11th )
My only lament is I never got to follow through with me most favorite fantasy about making love to her, or any woman. Sit her down in front of a full length mirror. Gently blindfold her, and while stroking her body with massage oil whisper in her ear, her how lovely I found her. While watching her body react to my touch, and voice in the mirror, have her feel my body, thats pressed against her, react in time. All I've ever wanted with each of the very few women I've ever made love to is, to see themselves how I see them during our extasy. But, I've always been afraid that any woman I've been that intimate with would refuse to have this particular fantasy play out.
But, travel has made me dream again.....
Is the seeing everything to your weary eyes new for the first time feeling, goes deep and premiates your existance . It fucks deeply with the familiar, and resulting dreams are quite surreal. And you get to , if your open minded look at yourself anew. I can easily say I needed this.
Years before, bouncing around the city and country, working in different theatres not having the same show, longer than a few weeks when I was younger. That took the place of the Best Part About Travel. That made those moments. ( sometimes they still do, which is why I've avoided a real regular job, even in Theatre. )
But, these past few years....Working on repeat, remount performances of Beauty, long runs like Les Mis and dispatching huge numbers of guys in between for the Local on the Massive tours that have been coming to vancouver. I've fallen into the trap modern life. The Workaholic state. My carefully non-conformist, casual career has become full time, drag out through the year work.
I've been pulled out of that state every now and then. Most recently this summer, while being with Catherine. Her Youth, energy and exploring her beautiful body was like travel to an exotic land. She gave me wonderful dreams, ( sex with her was like a dream at times. ) That middle summer month with her was like getting a first class ticket to any shy older man's greatest fantasy. Having the attention of, and the experience of a georgous young vibrant women who seemed at times to have no clue how breathtakingly beautiful she was. When she focused on how alkward a moment was or her actions during the day, I was far too busy enjoying the line of her body or the shine of her hazel eyes to notice.
If I was selfish I would have done every manipulative thing I know to covet her and keep her for me . But, I was just so amazed that she wanted to be with me. I'm also happy I reacted to the end of it so well....15 years ago I could easily see myself falling so hard for her and having to be, dragged - kicked out screaming and crying, No!!!
The end result being, sad pathetic wimpering and whining on my part. Really, when I think about it I let her go better than I've let go of anyone. So I got to keep the best of our moments together real and pure ( At any time I was anxious during the flight here, I thought of all the almost fantasy sex I had with her - and just individual moments with her, talking about her future. And I felt O.K. facing that .001% real fear of flying that everyone has since september 11th )
My only lament is I never got to follow through with me most favorite fantasy about making love to her, or any woman. Sit her down in front of a full length mirror. Gently blindfold her, and while stroking her body with massage oil whisper in her ear, her how lovely I found her. While watching her body react to my touch, and voice in the mirror, have her feel my body, thats pressed against her, react in time. All I've ever wanted with each of the very few women I've ever made love to is, to see themselves how I see them during our extasy. But, I've always been afraid that any woman I've been that intimate with would refuse to have this particular fantasy play out.
But, travel has made me dream again.....
Thanks for sharing this memory.
Hope you're well.