razorshimmy

Huh. Well.
Just found out my little brother is being shipped off to Afghanistan for a six-month tour of duty. He's excited, and I would be worried for him if not for the fact that it means he gets to leave Oklahoma City. I'm fairly confident that the risk of getting hurt or killed in a foreign country, thousands of miles from your home or...
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Four days off of my meds, since the new, "better" insurance my company decided to take turned out not to be a form of insurance that any of my normal pharmacies take. Back at home, depressing for reasons that I mostly won't mention, excepting how fucking lonely they remind me I am.
Everyone in my goddamn family has someone that they have been dating for...
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Alright, brilliant. Been a long absence, but I'm back, for at least a few weeks, as I'm housesitting this lovely place in the Silver Lake hills. I may well do my next update from the hottub, while sipping some of the champagne that I bought specifically for the purpose of drinking while in the hottub, looking out over the view that I may well never...
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Comp is in the shop, has been for a few weeks, dunno when it'll be out. Hence, my abscence.

Bragh. You people. I keep living, breathing, walking around town, and yet, somehow, despite the fact that this is obviously my sign of surrender, my white flag, you won't leave me alone. You want war.
Alright, fine. You people want to keep poking? Keep scratching the fat red wound that is AmERICa? We'll bleed on you, you bastards.

Soooooo... taking parkour classes now, having my ass kicked mercilessly by them. I also intend to keep studying systema, as that was very fun as well. Whew, a year of this and I'll be carved out of marble...

Ooooh, depression, why won't you just leave me alone?
For the most part, I can embrace it, like I would fits of happiness. It's necessary to be depressed sometimes, and natural. But it's been lingering again , which I thought I had rid myself of, and I find it annoying now.
I'm getting very frustrated, annoyed, and I'm starting to push people away again. That's...
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I'm sitting in my little apartment, now, and it really doesn't feel any different than any of the spaces that I've made my own, over time. There's that same scene that struggles up, through my mind, through the sediment of everyday thought that builds around a persons brain over time, in any person, and tries to excavate itself through one means or another: dreams, recollections,...
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There's this thing that resounds against my skull: this hateful pendulum that says over and over that you can't do it. The voice hates me, but it's as much a part of me as anything else. I want to listen to it so much more than I want to ignore it.
The voice, I think, is what people always used to think Satan probably...
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Whew, man. Sometimes I forget just how completely fucking out of my mind I am. Nice to be reminded.