Emo rant beginning in:
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Okay, so, I gotta say it, I'm super tired of being lonely. And I'm very, very lonely. All my best friends out here are with their perfect mate, and it's great, and I really, swear-to-gods am happy for them, but I still get the glass-shard guts when I"m sitting around stewing in third-wheel oil while they cuddle and nuzzle a few feet away.
Now, here's the really fucked-up, gross part that makes me hate myself and feel like a prick for whining. Yes, I've ask a lot of girls out since I got here and yes, I have, without exception, been turned down by all of them. But, the fact of the matter is, as lonely as I am and as shitty as I feel, I also feel like there's something broken in me, mostly from my last relationship, that feels like the part of me that wants to get close to someone, open up to them, be intimate with them, has been excised. I look at these people, and their great and I like them and I want to be around them more, but not in any way that could be construed as intimate. I don't want to be put in a place alone with them, and if I were, I would likely just sabotage it by saying the sort of shit I normally say and making them radically uncomfortable. I have no desire, when confronted with the opportunity, to approach someone and try to advance things in such a way that I might wind up being with them, and then I wind up laying in bed at night and absolutely screaming inside because I want someone there next to me so badly.
Yep, I'm completely impossible to please, and yep, I'm pretty sure something very basic inside me has malfunctioned.
And yep, I'm also very, very lonely, and sad.
3
2
1
Okay, so, I gotta say it, I'm super tired of being lonely. And I'm very, very lonely. All my best friends out here are with their perfect mate, and it's great, and I really, swear-to-gods am happy for them, but I still get the glass-shard guts when I"m sitting around stewing in third-wheel oil while they cuddle and nuzzle a few feet away.
Now, here's the really fucked-up, gross part that makes me hate myself and feel like a prick for whining. Yes, I've ask a lot of girls out since I got here and yes, I have, without exception, been turned down by all of them. But, the fact of the matter is, as lonely as I am and as shitty as I feel, I also feel like there's something broken in me, mostly from my last relationship, that feels like the part of me that wants to get close to someone, open up to them, be intimate with them, has been excised. I look at these people, and their great and I like them and I want to be around them more, but not in any way that could be construed as intimate. I don't want to be put in a place alone with them, and if I were, I would likely just sabotage it by saying the sort of shit I normally say and making them radically uncomfortable. I have no desire, when confronted with the opportunity, to approach someone and try to advance things in such a way that I might wind up being with them, and then I wind up laying in bed at night and absolutely screaming inside because I want someone there next to me so badly.
Yep, I'm completely impossible to please, and yep, I'm pretty sure something very basic inside me has malfunctioned.
And yep, I'm also very, very lonely, and sad.