Well, to be honest, that was a bit of a bust.
I know it was during a weekday, but I didn't expect the turnout to be that bad. Particularly since I had so many confirmations that just didn't bother to show up. Though, after the last party I tried to arrange, I suppose that should have been a given.
Actually, now that I think about it, every party I've tried to arrange in recent memory, be it weekend, weekday, holiday, fucking day of party that I've tried to arrange, people say they will show up, and just don't bother. They fucking RSVP, explicitly give me their word that they will be there, in the flesh, and are absent to the point that I don't even hear from them the day of.
It. Gets. Old.
I feel that this goes back to the college maxim that I had developed, and was trying to grow past at this point in my life, that I'm a nice guy that people like having around, but unless I fucking invite myself to a goddamn social event and show up, they literally just don't bother thinking about the fact that I exist. They will go so far, as long as I remind them, to say, "hey, sure, a party, that sounds like a good time! I'll defintely be there!" and then not show up, just because they didn't think about it.
What, exactly, does this say about me as a person?
Now, in regards to this, I should mention that this is, mostly, just venting, now that I sit, once again, alone in my fucking room with nothing better to do than get drunker than I already am and type away everything I hate about my life. A couple of people did show up tonight, and they are fucking amazing people. I love them. They are great.
Despite the fact that I've tried to strangle or punch or otherwise brutalize some of them, they were still there, and that shows me that the people that I really connect with, that really matter in my life, will always be there for me. If I call, they will come. If I show them that something is important to me, they will step up, no matter what.
However...
I can't help but feel a little cheated. A little down. I guess we always assume we have more friends than we really do, and when we're slapped across the face, as we so often are, with the reality of the situation, we just feel a little down about it.
Likely, it's my fault, which probably makes it that much worse. That's probably why, in fact, I feel compelled to make an entry about it.
...
Fuck.
I know it was during a weekday, but I didn't expect the turnout to be that bad. Particularly since I had so many confirmations that just didn't bother to show up. Though, after the last party I tried to arrange, I suppose that should have been a given.
Actually, now that I think about it, every party I've tried to arrange in recent memory, be it weekend, weekday, holiday, fucking day of party that I've tried to arrange, people say they will show up, and just don't bother. They fucking RSVP, explicitly give me their word that they will be there, in the flesh, and are absent to the point that I don't even hear from them the day of.
It. Gets. Old.
I feel that this goes back to the college maxim that I had developed, and was trying to grow past at this point in my life, that I'm a nice guy that people like having around, but unless I fucking invite myself to a goddamn social event and show up, they literally just don't bother thinking about the fact that I exist. They will go so far, as long as I remind them, to say, "hey, sure, a party, that sounds like a good time! I'll defintely be there!" and then not show up, just because they didn't think about it.
What, exactly, does this say about me as a person?
Now, in regards to this, I should mention that this is, mostly, just venting, now that I sit, once again, alone in my fucking room with nothing better to do than get drunker than I already am and type away everything I hate about my life. A couple of people did show up tonight, and they are fucking amazing people. I love them. They are great.
Despite the fact that I've tried to strangle or punch or otherwise brutalize some of them, they were still there, and that shows me that the people that I really connect with, that really matter in my life, will always be there for me. If I call, they will come. If I show them that something is important to me, they will step up, no matter what.
However...
I can't help but feel a little cheated. A little down. I guess we always assume we have more friends than we really do, and when we're slapped across the face, as we so often are, with the reality of the situation, we just feel a little down about it.
Likely, it's my fault, which probably makes it that much worse. That's probably why, in fact, I feel compelled to make an entry about it.
...
Fuck.