A few disturbing realizations tonight, and probably the most emo of the morose ranting that I've had to say lately. I think I realized what it is tonight that kept me from getting back together with my ex, despite how much I would frequently like to try, is because I think I needed to see how long it would take for me to fade out of her life until I was no longer important. The fact that it appears to have happened some time ago has, tonight, made me feel pretty washed out, worthless, and self-pitying. Hanging out with a good friend for a while, who is certainly having her own share of troubles right now, but all in all I can't get past it. It occurred to me that pretty much everyone I know, given the space of a month or two, would almost completely forget about me if I wasn't contacting them regularly, irritating them to hang out. I feel pretty sick about it, all in all. For whatever reason, I feel betrayed and hurt about it, and I would really just like to leave. Go find some new place, with new people. Of course, since it's been this way pretty much everywhere I've been, I don't really have any reason to think that a new location will make things any better. To be completely honest, I have no idea what to do. 
