Are there limits to how much a person can hate themselves? I mean, surely there must be, because once it reaches a certain point, a person would sooner just kill themselves than go on living, right? And I havn't killed myself yet...
Maybe that's just a matter of ego. I couldn't kill myself unless I went out in some blaze of glory, a fireball, running through the crowd, impaled on my own sword. That's about the only way I could manage, in the end.
I swore to myself and to others that I would never do that, some time ago. That also probably has something to do with it. And yet, there's something about myself right now that I find so despicable that I can't be rid of it. I see it every day, when I introspect or when I look in the mirror.
To be honest, part of me feels like it would be better to just do it, than to become so overtly emotional in a public way. this is just humiliating. At least there's a little honor in dying, if done the right way.
Maybe that's just a matter of ego. I couldn't kill myself unless I went out in some blaze of glory, a fireball, running through the crowd, impaled on my own sword. That's about the only way I could manage, in the end.
I swore to myself and to others that I would never do that, some time ago. That also probably has something to do with it. And yet, there's something about myself right now that I find so despicable that I can't be rid of it. I see it every day, when I introspect or when I look in the mirror.
To be honest, part of me feels like it would be better to just do it, than to become so overtly emotional in a public way. this is just humiliating. At least there's a little honor in dying, if done the right way.