razorshimmy

Alright, brilliant. Been a long absence, but I'm back, for at least a few weeks, as I'm housesitting this lovely place in the Silver Lake hills. I may well do my next update from the hottub, while sipping some of the champagne that I bought specifically for the purpose of drinking while in the hottub, looking out over the view that I may well never...
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Comp is in the shop, has been for a few weeks, dunno when it'll be out. Hence, my abscence.

Bragh. You people. I keep living, breathing, walking around town, and yet, somehow, despite the fact that this is obviously my sign of surrender, my white flag, you won't leave me alone. You want war.
Alright, fine. You people want to keep poking? Keep scratching the fat red wound that is AmERICa? We'll bleed on you, you bastards.

Soooooo... taking parkour classes now, having my ass kicked mercilessly by them. I also intend to keep studying systema, as that was very fun as well. Whew, a year of this and I'll be carved out of marble...

Ooooh, depression, why won't you just leave me alone?
For the most part, I can embrace it, like I would fits of happiness. It's necessary to be depressed sometimes, and natural. But it's been lingering again , which I thought I had rid myself of, and I find it annoying now.
I'm getting very frustrated, annoyed, and I'm starting to push people away again. That's...
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I'm sitting in my little apartment, now, and it really doesn't feel any different than any of the spaces that I've made my own, over time. There's that same scene that struggles up, through my mind, through the sediment of everyday thought that builds around a persons brain over time, in any person, and tries to excavate itself through one means or another: dreams, recollections,...
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There's this thing that resounds against my skull: this hateful pendulum that says over and over that you can't do it. The voice hates me, but it's as much a part of me as anything else. I want to listen to it so much more than I want to ignore it.
The voice, I think, is what people always used to think Satan probably...
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Whew, man. Sometimes I forget just how completely fucking out of my mind I am. Nice to be reminded.

Fuck. Self-loathing, anger, general malaise. If I made a full post right now, it would consist almost entirely of whining, so I'm just going to say "fuck" and take a nap. Hopefully the combo will make me feel better.

Long night, and entirely pleasant. How genuinely delightful.
Office party first. Hung out. Watched stand-up clips and drank mojitos.
Ayana Udesen opening afterwards. Free whisky. Picked up my comics. Bought a pin with Carey Elwes on it. There is nothing finer in this life.
Dinner. Fried rice. Tasty.
Club Suicide one year anniversary afterwards. Saw very many people, several of whom I knew from beforehand....
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Grrrrruuuu...
Alumni meetings are bad for my stomach lining/ liver. My body has been displeased with me for the entirety of the day.
I also had to go to the airport to pick up someone that was still in Toronto. Annoying.
However, Hamster on a Piano is still enjoyable. Hee hee... He sure does love that popcorn.

I'm laying, dying.
There's a wound on me somewhere, though for the life of me I can't think of where it is, how it got there. Can't tell you how to cover it. It just bleeds across the porcelain, not the perfect circular or ovoid pool that it might be in some dream, but snowflakeing out across each tiny, invisible fracture in the tile.
I...
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