Thank you for your advice, insight and empathy as well as sympathy into the world and relationship of Geoff and I. That was a very sincere thank you. I also appreciate the hugs and all the kinds words
However, I know most of you are trying to be helpful and offer insight but I just want to take this time (and in the nicest way possible) ask you to just listen when I vent on here. If I want advice, I will specifically ask for it from now on. I do appreciate it. I really do and in most cases I will probably ask for it but at the same time I am aware of most of the advice you are giving me.
I know that
1) Smoking is an addiction and it is increasingly difficult to quit and that sometimes Geoff may have a few
2) That yes I do need to talk to him when we have a fight
3) That I need to be calm to do all this
4) That boys are stupid (yell at pomfelo not me)
Usually when I vent, it is just to get out whatever I am feeling and just feel it for however long I need to. Suddenly I have all of you lovely people trying to help which is wonderful but my venting is just venting, not an invitation and not a blog for anything but myself and to get my feelings out. So I thank you all and really do appreciate it and this is a blog you can definitely offer advice on even though I am planning to depict events of tonight rather than asking what I should do.
Why I was upset with him
1) When he gets drunk he gets stupid...(granted most of us do but ignoring me the entire night even when I call his name is not stupid... it's just mean) Keep in mind there were only 4 of us and this wasn't a party.. he was just deliberately ignoring me\
Reasons for this:
- Whenever the 1 hosts left the room we were pretty much arguing
- Geoff doesn't like arguing in public or in front of other people
- Earlier I had been pretty argumentative (in a debating sort of way... obviously he took it personally and didn't tell me that it bothered him so is ignoring me and his pissy, stupid attitude was not making sense to me) so naturally I grew angry with him
2) His smoking... when he gets drunk he likes to smoke.
Reasons for this:
- He is drunk... just like when I am drunk I like to order pizza or get chinese takeout
- It of course didn't help that his friends were smoking and that he misses it and probably in terms of spite he knew that I didn't want him to
Whatever, that is the least of the reason was mad at him. By the end of the night, him smoking was distant memory and I couldn't have cared less about it. It was more the fact that he came back at me about heart disease and my eating habits and my lack of exercise.. make me feel lazy, ugly and like I'm not good enough. I eat very well... what exercise do you suggest I do when I have no money? I walk everywhere already and if and when I get a job, I could even see myself getting into a routine and going to the gym every week. Motivating myself is hard but i could do. Besides I love my body and think that is it fine the way it is.
3) This is the biggest reason (still with me everyone) BIGGEST REASON!
Geoff and his friend Steve ( whose house we were at) are trying to start a business. I won't get into what his business is about or anything but Geoff would like to be his own boss. I think he has a great idea and great motivation and drive to do it. I let him go on for hours about it even if it is something I know nothing about and don't really understand. I try and ask questions and show interest but I am still unsure of what his business will be exactly.
Anyway last night while I was freezing inside, bored out of my mind, with a splitting head, and Geoff and Steve were outside drunk and discussing their business, Geoff kept going on about the future of their business and their future together as friends and partners. It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks and I really wanted to cry. I think about my future with Geoff all the time. I occasionally talk about it not in great depth because I don't want to scare him but he never talks about his future with me. It's always HIS future, and MY future. not OUR future. I am not asking him to dedicate to kids and house and a yard and dog but I would like something more than a movie date next weekend... Is that too much to ask? I mean maybe I am doing the girly thing and just thinking about it too much but I really do want a life with him. Anyway I found myself blink back tears because he had this whole future he was mapping out (even if he was drunk) and I wasn't any part of it. A while back I had told him I wanted to move in with him... he wasn't ready (that's fine I'm not going tp push it), he also didn't want to move until he finishes school (that's also fine), the next place he wants to live is a house (okay...). Geoff has major debt from paying for school and a job that is constantly underpaying him and is paying him $11/hr that he is planning to quit to start a business... he is planning to get another job but it will be minimum wage as well as if he is going back to school in September, it will only be part-time.
Which begs these questions:
- Are you actually going back to school in September? Are you planning to put it off more?
- How much time/money are you planning to invest in this company?
- How long will it take you to pay for your debt and how much will it take and how long will it take for you to buy a house?
I am all for being patient but how patient? I am moving pretty much to the edge of the city which means we will see each other even less than we do now and in all honesty, I've waited before for other guys and in the end I waited just for them to break my heart. I also am not prepared to wait forever for him to buy a house and be ready to live with me? i mean is that being selfish... I don't think so. I am trying not to push him? But what if it takes 1
Anyway last night he showed up at 3 am at my house, still piss drunk after I had made sure he got home safe and puked for about half an hour then passed out on my side of the bed. He said it was because he loved me and wanted to see me and didn't want me to be upset. News flash Geoff you don't even know why I was upset!
So I did the stupid girl thing and didn't say anything, just let it pass even though it's all I could think about. We had his dad's birthday party to go to. You know that feeling when you first meet your significant other's parents for the first time and you're really nervous and worried about them not liking you? That never went away with either of his parents.
His dad likes me. We can carry a conversation. Before I met his dad and his step-mom, Geoff asked me to not talk about alcohol. They are both recovering alcoholics. Today was also their 10 year anniversary. Geoff was also trapped in an intervention once because his family thought he was one. His evil ex( who was his girlfriend at the time) told his step-mom that he got really drunk (she failed to mention that it was her doing and that it was only once), his step-mom told his dad, his dad told his mom and an intervention took place where Geoff had to try and explain to his family that he wasn't an alcoholic and deny everything which is exactly what an alcoholic would do faced with that situation. His dad even refused to pay for his school after that thinking that Geoff would spend his money on booze which he most certainly would not. Anyway they finally believed him and ever cine them he was been super careful about them finding anything out about his life and how it involves drinking. So today I mentioned I was moving and the house I had looked at pointing out that Geoff had liked the one with the wood paneling and there was a bad and huge living room, etc. As soon I said there was a bar and that Geoff liked it, I cringed internally and realized maybe that was mistake. I just kept going and hoped they didn't interpret that in any way that was negative in view of Geoff.
His mom likes me but thinks I always interrupt other people so now when we visit her I don't talk for fear of interrupting someone. i did realize that it does happen but it is due to my ADD (if i have a thought, I lose it if I don't say it immediately and since I space out half the time I don't even realize someone else is talking half the time... it's not because I am not listening... I just gap out sometimes) I do admit I do interrupt but not of out of rudeness or nonchalance so now when we visit her I try to pretty much only talk when I need to and hence comes the famous saying of "walking on eggshells"
Something I am not good at it. I am one of the most outspoken, blunt and somewhat abrasive people I know. I'm pretty open about everything and I will admit more often than not I usually say whatever pops into my pretty little head without thinking about it first. With parents I am usually good at witholding.For some reason it doesn't work out so well with Geoff's parents. I don't talk around his mom and ordinary conversations seems like a huge challenge with his dad.
As we were leaving, I was telling a story and Geoff made a comment about one of my best friends whom he has never met, one that I didn't appreciate and one that was untrue. Ashley does have her problems but she is not a bad person. He has never even met her.
Anyway we went out separate ways and later he called me. This is when the argument actually happened. I told him I didn't appreciate what he said about Ashley and he went off on me for the bar comment. He didn't understand how a stupid comment could make me so upset and I told him it wasn't the comment. I was still angry at him for last night and told him exactly why pretty much crying the entire way through it, careful not to say something I would regret and trying my best to remain calm. I was not angry at this point... just upset.
He did not understand my last reason. He kept trying to separate our relationship from his business while at the same time saying that one would influence the other.
However, I know most of you are trying to be helpful and offer insight but I just want to take this time (and in the nicest way possible) ask you to just listen when I vent on here. If I want advice, I will specifically ask for it from now on. I do appreciate it. I really do and in most cases I will probably ask for it but at the same time I am aware of most of the advice you are giving me.
I know that
1) Smoking is an addiction and it is increasingly difficult to quit and that sometimes Geoff may have a few
2) That yes I do need to talk to him when we have a fight
3) That I need to be calm to do all this
4) That boys are stupid (yell at pomfelo not me)
Usually when I vent, it is just to get out whatever I am feeling and just feel it for however long I need to. Suddenly I have all of you lovely people trying to help which is wonderful but my venting is just venting, not an invitation and not a blog for anything but myself and to get my feelings out. So I thank you all and really do appreciate it and this is a blog you can definitely offer advice on even though I am planning to depict events of tonight rather than asking what I should do.
Why I was upset with him
1) When he gets drunk he gets stupid...(granted most of us do but ignoring me the entire night even when I call his name is not stupid... it's just mean) Keep in mind there were only 4 of us and this wasn't a party.. he was just deliberately ignoring me\
Reasons for this:
- Whenever the 1 hosts left the room we were pretty much arguing
- Geoff doesn't like arguing in public or in front of other people
- Earlier I had been pretty argumentative (in a debating sort of way... obviously he took it personally and didn't tell me that it bothered him so is ignoring me and his pissy, stupid attitude was not making sense to me) so naturally I grew angry with him
2) His smoking... when he gets drunk he likes to smoke.
Reasons for this:
- He is drunk... just like when I am drunk I like to order pizza or get chinese takeout
- It of course didn't help that his friends were smoking and that he misses it and probably in terms of spite he knew that I didn't want him to
Whatever, that is the least of the reason was mad at him. By the end of the night, him smoking was distant memory and I couldn't have cared less about it. It was more the fact that he came back at me about heart disease and my eating habits and my lack of exercise.. make me feel lazy, ugly and like I'm not good enough. I eat very well... what exercise do you suggest I do when I have no money? I walk everywhere already and if and when I get a job, I could even see myself getting into a routine and going to the gym every week. Motivating myself is hard but i could do. Besides I love my body and think that is it fine the way it is.
3) This is the biggest reason (still with me everyone) BIGGEST REASON!
Geoff and his friend Steve ( whose house we were at) are trying to start a business. I won't get into what his business is about or anything but Geoff would like to be his own boss. I think he has a great idea and great motivation and drive to do it. I let him go on for hours about it even if it is something I know nothing about and don't really understand. I try and ask questions and show interest but I am still unsure of what his business will be exactly.
Anyway last night while I was freezing inside, bored out of my mind, with a splitting head, and Geoff and Steve were outside drunk and discussing their business, Geoff kept going on about the future of their business and their future together as friends and partners. It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks and I really wanted to cry. I think about my future with Geoff all the time. I occasionally talk about it not in great depth because I don't want to scare him but he never talks about his future with me. It's always HIS future, and MY future. not OUR future. I am not asking him to dedicate to kids and house and a yard and dog but I would like something more than a movie date next weekend... Is that too much to ask? I mean maybe I am doing the girly thing and just thinking about it too much but I really do want a life with him. Anyway I found myself blink back tears because he had this whole future he was mapping out (even if he was drunk) and I wasn't any part of it. A while back I had told him I wanted to move in with him... he wasn't ready (that's fine I'm not going tp push it), he also didn't want to move until he finishes school (that's also fine), the next place he wants to live is a house (okay...). Geoff has major debt from paying for school and a job that is constantly underpaying him and is paying him $11/hr that he is planning to quit to start a business... he is planning to get another job but it will be minimum wage as well as if he is going back to school in September, it will only be part-time.
Which begs these questions:
- Are you actually going back to school in September? Are you planning to put it off more?
- How much time/money are you planning to invest in this company?
- How long will it take you to pay for your debt and how much will it take and how long will it take for you to buy a house?
I am all for being patient but how patient? I am moving pretty much to the edge of the city which means we will see each other even less than we do now and in all honesty, I've waited before for other guys and in the end I waited just for them to break my heart. I also am not prepared to wait forever for him to buy a house and be ready to live with me? i mean is that being selfish... I don't think so. I am trying not to push him? But what if it takes 1
Anyway last night he showed up at 3 am at my house, still piss drunk after I had made sure he got home safe and puked for about half an hour then passed out on my side of the bed. He said it was because he loved me and wanted to see me and didn't want me to be upset. News flash Geoff you don't even know why I was upset!
So I did the stupid girl thing and didn't say anything, just let it pass even though it's all I could think about. We had his dad's birthday party to go to. You know that feeling when you first meet your significant other's parents for the first time and you're really nervous and worried about them not liking you? That never went away with either of his parents.
His dad likes me. We can carry a conversation. Before I met his dad and his step-mom, Geoff asked me to not talk about alcohol. They are both recovering alcoholics. Today was also their 10 year anniversary. Geoff was also trapped in an intervention once because his family thought he was one. His evil ex( who was his girlfriend at the time) told his step-mom that he got really drunk (she failed to mention that it was her doing and that it was only once), his step-mom told his dad, his dad told his mom and an intervention took place where Geoff had to try and explain to his family that he wasn't an alcoholic and deny everything which is exactly what an alcoholic would do faced with that situation. His dad even refused to pay for his school after that thinking that Geoff would spend his money on booze which he most certainly would not. Anyway they finally believed him and ever cine them he was been super careful about them finding anything out about his life and how it involves drinking. So today I mentioned I was moving and the house I had looked at pointing out that Geoff had liked the one with the wood paneling and there was a bad and huge living room, etc. As soon I said there was a bar and that Geoff liked it, I cringed internally and realized maybe that was mistake. I just kept going and hoped they didn't interpret that in any way that was negative in view of Geoff.
His mom likes me but thinks I always interrupt other people so now when we visit her I don't talk for fear of interrupting someone. i did realize that it does happen but it is due to my ADD (if i have a thought, I lose it if I don't say it immediately and since I space out half the time I don't even realize someone else is talking half the time... it's not because I am not listening... I just gap out sometimes) I do admit I do interrupt but not of out of rudeness or nonchalance so now when we visit her I try to pretty much only talk when I need to and hence comes the famous saying of "walking on eggshells"
Something I am not good at it. I am one of the most outspoken, blunt and somewhat abrasive people I know. I'm pretty open about everything and I will admit more often than not I usually say whatever pops into my pretty little head without thinking about it first. With parents I am usually good at witholding.For some reason it doesn't work out so well with Geoff's parents. I don't talk around his mom and ordinary conversations seems like a huge challenge with his dad.
As we were leaving, I was telling a story and Geoff made a comment about one of my best friends whom he has never met, one that I didn't appreciate and one that was untrue. Ashley does have her problems but she is not a bad person. He has never even met her.
Anyway we went out separate ways and later he called me. This is when the argument actually happened. I told him I didn't appreciate what he said about Ashley and he went off on me for the bar comment. He didn't understand how a stupid comment could make me so upset and I told him it wasn't the comment. I was still angry at him for last night and told him exactly why pretty much crying the entire way through it, careful not to say something I would regret and trying my best to remain calm. I was not angry at this point... just upset.
He did not understand my last reason. He kept trying to separate our relationship from his business while at the same time saying that one would influence the other.
lilcupcake:
*hugs* Sounds stressful 
*hugs* Sounds stressful