i try to be tough and indifferent and blase, and sometimes it all feels like such an act. i envy people who have no regard for subtlety, who just spew their feelings everywhere. i mean, can they just not afford therapists or what? meanwhile, i just keep repeating "i don't care that i'm only better then nothing, because i don't care, don't care, don't fucking care." it's a manta. but i do care, and it kills me. i care because someone that i care about is hurting and i'm on the other side of the country.
god, this is depressing....
god, this is depressing....
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sometimes i fear i'm too apathetic, but when i really analyze how i feel, it's the opposite, i seem to care way too much. it tends to lead to hurting a lot. but i don't think it's a bad thing in general..