There were fat English women on my flight sporting corn-rows with some of the worst cockney accents. What. The. Fuck. After recovering from that aural and visual bombardment we landed yesterday at around 12:45 in the PM, rented a car, and cruised along to south-westerly to Swinden only to be accosted by my Grandmother whos intention was to take all the cousins (who I hadn't seen in 9 years) to dinner. Boy, that was some of the worst food I've had in a long while, I ordered Scampi, which apparently in the UK is just breaded fried shrimp. Yuck. It was cool to see my cousins again, and jesus titty-fucking christ have they changed, here's a quick bio on them all:
Shawn (eldest) has turned from a full born again christian to an ex-drug dealing ex-convict to a pretty badass guy.
Jeremy (second eldest) is apparently a full on pimp of a ladies man that rolls around in a Peugot Clio with a 4 inch exhaust, and a rack of 12 inch subs in the hatch.
Julie (third eldest, and a girl believe it or not) went from being my Grandmothers favorite suck-up to a pierced and soon to be star-tatted rebelious 16 year old vegetarian. Suffice it to say she isn't the favorite anymore so there still may be a chance in the will for me!
And last but not least we have Josh. This kid was only 3 last time I was here, however I was inadverantly the reason why he almost croaked and had to have brain surgery last time I was here, let me paint the picture: So there I was in this hardcore Born Again church watching this girl play with Josh, having him jump off of a stage into her arms et cetera, fast forward a few minutes and said girl got tired of it however Josh hadn't. I ended up stepping up and taking over as the Josh-catcher. Fast forward another 10 minutes and I had had my fill as well, told Josh such, turned my back, and started to walk away. Apparently he didn't quite get the message and hopped off stage right onto his mellon. WHAM! So after scrambling to the hospital we come to find that he got some sort of bigassed blood clot that needed to be cleared ASAP. Surgery happens, tubes go into his orifices, and all is well. So truth to tell I was really relieved when I came to find he was in perfect working order afterwards, BUT after talking with him for a few hours last night I can tell he's got a definate lisp. Fuck.
That's about it, gonna go start hammering down a travel plan which I will promptly neglect to follow. Stay tuned.
P.S. You know your brain is turning to mush when you cant remember wether or not 'accost' has one or two 'C's. It turned out for the better though as now I know that 'accost' may also be defined as `to solicit for sex'. Good to know.
Shawn (eldest) has turned from a full born again christian to an ex-drug dealing ex-convict to a pretty badass guy.
Jeremy (second eldest) is apparently a full on pimp of a ladies man that rolls around in a Peugot Clio with a 4 inch exhaust, and a rack of 12 inch subs in the hatch.
Julie (third eldest, and a girl believe it or not) went from being my Grandmothers favorite suck-up to a pierced and soon to be star-tatted rebelious 16 year old vegetarian. Suffice it to say she isn't the favorite anymore so there still may be a chance in the will for me!
And last but not least we have Josh. This kid was only 3 last time I was here, however I was inadverantly the reason why he almost croaked and had to have brain surgery last time I was here, let me paint the picture: So there I was in this hardcore Born Again church watching this girl play with Josh, having him jump off of a stage into her arms et cetera, fast forward a few minutes and said girl got tired of it however Josh hadn't. I ended up stepping up and taking over as the Josh-catcher. Fast forward another 10 minutes and I had had my fill as well, told Josh such, turned my back, and started to walk away. Apparently he didn't quite get the message and hopped off stage right onto his mellon. WHAM! So after scrambling to the hospital we come to find that he got some sort of bigassed blood clot that needed to be cleared ASAP. Surgery happens, tubes go into his orifices, and all is well. So truth to tell I was really relieved when I came to find he was in perfect working order afterwards, BUT after talking with him for a few hours last night I can tell he's got a definate lisp. Fuck.
That's about it, gonna go start hammering down a travel plan which I will promptly neglect to follow. Stay tuned.
P.S. You know your brain is turning to mush when you cant remember wether or not 'accost' has one or two 'C's. It turned out for the better though as now I know that 'accost' may also be defined as `to solicit for sex'. Good to know.
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good luck