There aren't too many sports I've never had the experience in watching first hand. As a sports writer at a daily newspaper for much of my working career, I've covered various wrestling, football, volleyball, soccer, field hockey, basketball and hockey events, but June 2 was something new, something different and something strangely familiar.
The Shock & Awe Brawl pitted the Hex Offenders against the Barn Razors in the sport of women's flat track roller derby. That's right, real roller derby.
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In my relatively short time living in the confines of sprawling Lancaster County, Pa., there have been few things that really catch my fancy.
There are a few disc golf courses worth playing, some smoky dives that I like to frequent and of course, my job as a sports writer takes me around the country, but there was something about the Dutchland Rollers that just made me smile.
I'd initially purchased a ticket to the April 21 event, dubbed "Rumspringa," but a day-long hangover courtesy of Brendee's Caf on Lemon Street did me in. I didn't feel like moving.
June 2 wasn't going to be the same. I made sure to check this out.
I hate to sound clich, but this isn't your mother's roller derby - at least, it wasn't mine. After attending the event, I found out that my own mother skated some roller derby back in the 1960's, back when banked-track teams like the Famous L.A. T-Birds would show up routinely on ABC's Wide World of Sports. That not withstanding, the Dutchland Rollers do provide a very family-friendly, albeit politically incorrect, sporting event that's well worth the $10-12 admission fee.
Points are scored by jammers passing other members of the team in two minute go's, called jams. It gets pretty heated at times with pileups and spills galore. There wasn't a two-minute jam that didn't have the crowd uttering "oooohs" and "ahhhhs," but in a completely different context than one would see at a Fourth of July fireworks display.
These women were battling.
One thing that immediately proved positive is that proceeds from the Dutchland Rollers events go to charity, of course, after the bills are paid. Adding to the ambience was the team's nicknames, uniforms and of course the barn-like Overland Skating Center.
If you're not familiar with the area, Lancaster's culture is synonymous with both the Amish and Mennonite communities. All the jokes you might have heard, seen, or even told seem to be fitting.
And for the uniforms, hand-made and having that Amish appeal. The Barn Razors, a play off of the obvious - raising a barn, and the sharp image of the league itself - come equipped with black pants and suspenders and plain button-up shirts.
Pass any horse and buggy in Lancaster County, and that's the image.
In regards to the sport itself, it's an opportunity for women to join an organization, work for charity, make new friends and socialize with other players and fans of the league. It's in its fledgling stages still, but there's an appeal to the Dutchland Rollers events.
I'll say this, though, it's not for everyone, but give it a shot. It might be more for everyone than even I, a pseudo-skeptic, feels this league and this movement can catch on.
The Shock & Awe Brawl provided what could be described as "elegant violence." It's not the scripted pro wrestling style of roller derby that once graced late night television as RollerGames (which is how I was first introduced to roller derby to start with), this is real. This is athletic, this is rough and tumble and it's also got that retro feel to it.
I can't tell you the last time I laced up a pair of quads vs. the roller blades I had during my time playing roller hockey back in Virginia. But there's that small part of us that remember going to the roller rink in our youth, whizzing past friends and foes, making sure not to bust your ass on the hard rink floor or the concrete wall.
The concept is the same with roller derby. Bumps, bruises and "rink rash" are common, and unfortunately, so are injuries.
Real names are rare, if used at all, but those names are part of the intrigue of the league and roller derby in general. Some of them conjure up laughs. Some of my personal favorites include: Josie Cuervo, Laverne N. Surly, Rachel Slur, Haulin' Ash, Swoop Deville, Torque Wench, Spawna Skatin', Stompin' Lizzy Stanton and White Thrash.
Speaking conversationally here. ... c'mon, that's freakin' great.
The three periods resembles hockey in terms of time, but there's a rolling clock, except in the case of timeouts - and of course, a penalty box.
Tattoos and piercings are prevalent, as is multi-colored hair, creative uniform modifications and an appreciation for the fans that show up. Merchandise is also on sale and Dutchland Rollers stickers can be found on a growing number of bumpers across Lancaster (including my own).
Perhaps the most humbling aspect of the league is the down-to-earth nature the women that skate with the Dutchland Rollers. My normal hangout in Lancaster is Brendee's, a place where you're more than likely going to run into a rollergirl. Conversations strike up normally and if anything, it helps put this societal caste system that our world is becoming, to its knees. In large, they're a pretty cool group to down a cold one with..
I actually think it's somewhat amusing to see a group of bruised, tatted up women putting down a cold beer after practice at the same bar where popped-collared preppies from the local college float in and out.
But they don't mess with the Dutchland Derby Rollers. And for good reason.
