Its 4:03 am in Halifax. I enjoyed a blissful two weeks or so where my new pills managed to put me to sleep. My body seems to have adjusted to them, however, and I'm back to my old insomniac ways.
I can hear someone at my front door, i assume the paperboy. I can't imagine starting my day at 4:00.
I've decided that I will never be a writer. I decided this just now. And I'm not just being self depreciating; my reasoning has nothing to do with a lack of confidence in my writing abilities. I know that I can write well, if not well enough to be a rich & famous novelist, at least well enough to write web copy and do corporate proofreading and things like that. I've even done some of these things for brief periods in the past.
The reason why I can't be a writer is that writing, as a profession, lacks the stability & structure I think I require from a vocation. I loathe chaos, I want everything to be as planned and prepared for as possible, And being a writer, in almost any form, requires a certain amount of fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pantsedness that my chemically imbalanced brain just can't provide.
I think the lack of structure in my life has been at least part of the cause of my downward spiral this last year or so. So i'm going to find some structure. And maybe some friends, too. That would be totally sweet. Totally. And at some point I'm also going to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
Feels a little late to be figuring that out now, but I've got to do something. Its hard to fill the hours just sitting around doing nothing. I tried to fill them up by getting into myspace, but its surprisingly difficult to get around that place, And it doesn't seem to think Halifax exists. We have 385,000 people!
Bastards.
Not to mention I find it almost as impossible to make friends on the internet as I do in real life, so it kind of defeats the purpose of being on a place like that, doesn't it?
Anyway....If anybody wants to thow out any suggestions for my new career/life, I'd be only too happy to hear 'em.
I can hear someone at my front door, i assume the paperboy. I can't imagine starting my day at 4:00.
I've decided that I will never be a writer. I decided this just now. And I'm not just being self depreciating; my reasoning has nothing to do with a lack of confidence in my writing abilities. I know that I can write well, if not well enough to be a rich & famous novelist, at least well enough to write web copy and do corporate proofreading and things like that. I've even done some of these things for brief periods in the past.
The reason why I can't be a writer is that writing, as a profession, lacks the stability & structure I think I require from a vocation. I loathe chaos, I want everything to be as planned and prepared for as possible, And being a writer, in almost any form, requires a certain amount of fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pantsedness that my chemically imbalanced brain just can't provide.
I think the lack of structure in my life has been at least part of the cause of my downward spiral this last year or so. So i'm going to find some structure. And maybe some friends, too. That would be totally sweet. Totally. And at some point I'm also going to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
Feels a little late to be figuring that out now, but I've got to do something. Its hard to fill the hours just sitting around doing nothing. I tried to fill them up by getting into myspace, but its surprisingly difficult to get around that place, And it doesn't seem to think Halifax exists. We have 385,000 people!
Bastards.
Not to mention I find it almost as impossible to make friends on the internet as I do in real life, so it kind of defeats the purpose of being on a place like that, doesn't it?
Anyway....If anybody wants to thow out any suggestions for my new career/life, I'd be only too happy to hear 'em.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
cosmia:
Are you back?
ian_g:
are you guys on FB?