randbaek

*August 5th Update: Current sleep ratio: 8 hours sleep out of last 89

I have only slept 6 hours out of the last 65. The world is starting to get a little fuzzy around the edges, but I have a surprising amount of energy.

I think there's moles living in my walls. I keep hearing them.

I'm having a hard time filling up the hours. There just isn't that much to do.

I took an online purity test. In Highschool these things used to be my bible. I plotted my entire future around marking off as many points as possible. There were always points I knew I'd never get (incest, beastiality, rape) But I dreamed of being man enough to crack the 30% mark. If I achieved everything I ever wanted in life, I calculated my score would be below 30.

Let's see how I stack up today.

Have you ever...

Experienced an erection for more that one hour continuously? Yes. (1pt.)

Had a date past 4 A.M.? Yes. (1pt.)

Had a date on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of the same week? Yup. (1pt.)

Kissed a woman? It has happened on occasion. (1pt.)

Kissed a woman in the last tree months? Yes. (1pt.)

Kissed a woman while prone? Yes. (1pt.)

Kissed a woman on the neck? Yes. (1pt.)

Kissed a woman on the first date? Yes. (1pt.)

French-kissed a woman? Yes. (1pt.)

Nibbled on a woman's ear? Yes. (1pt.)

Danced cheek-to-cheek with a woman? Of course. Get to the hard ones! (1pt.)

Experienced an erection while dancing? Who hasn't? (1pt.)

Ejaculated while dancing? Huh? People do that? I should have gone to more Junior High School
dances!! (0pts.)

Necked continuously for an hour or more? I think I have, presuming they mean making out or something comparable. Who says "necked?" (1pt.)

Pinched a woman's ass? Pretty much every day. (1pt.)

Have you ever fondled a woman's bare breast? I have indeed. (1pt.)

Within the last three months? Yup. (1pt.)

With a woman you just picked up? I wish I was that smooth. (0pts.)

With a woman who was unconscious or asleep? Yes, But she doesn't mind. Honestly. (1pt.)

With a relative? I don't even like to talk to my relatives. (0pts.)

Removed a woman's bra? It wasn't easy, but I did it. (1pt.)

Sucked a woman's nipple subsequent to your weaning? Yes. (1pt.)

Within the last three months? Yes. (1pt.)

Have you ever put your hand under a woman's skirt? Isn't that why skirts were invented? (1pt.)

Have you ever fondled a woman's vagina? Yup. (1pt.)

Within the last three months? Yup. (1pt.)

On a first date? Not even close. (0pts.)

With a relative? I told you, I hate my relatives! (0pts.)

Had your bare genitals fondled by a woman not your doctor? I would hope a doctor would examine your genitals, not fondle them. (1pt.)

Ejaculated while petting? Do you mean "ejaculated while being petted?" Oh, well, its Yes either way. (1pt.)

Seen a completely nude woman in the flesh? Y (1pt.)

Completely undressed a woman? Y (1pt.)

Had a woman completely undress you? Y (1pt.)

Gone swimming with a nude woman? It only happens in the movies. (0pts.)

Dry-humped? Ah, puberty. (1pt.)

Told a woman you loved her when you did not? I'm afraid I have. (1pt.)

Told meaningless promises of marriage to seduce a woman? Never did do that. (0pts.)

Attempted to seduce a woman? That's pretty vague, but I think the answer would probably be yes. (1pt.)

Fondled a girl less that 15 years old since you were 15? Nope. (0pts.)

Intentionally jostled a woman you had never seen before? Uh..."jostled?" I don't really know what
they mean here, but I'd like to think the answer would be no. (0pts.)

Discussed masturbation with a woman? Who else would I discuss it with? (1pt.)

Masturbated in the last 3 months? Uh... once or twice. (1pt.)

At least once a week for the last three months? Yes. My answer would have to be yes. (1pt.)

At least once a day for the last three months? Well everybody misses the occasional day. (0pts.)

While a woman watched? That's much more fun. (1pt.)

In a movie theatre? Movies are like $12!! I can do it at home for free! (0pts.)

Read pornographic literature? Yup. (1pt.)

Seen a porno movie? They occasionally show up on my TiVo. I don't know how they get there, but I may as well watch them, right? (1pt.)

Seen a burlesque show? I wish. (0pts.)

Vomited due to alcohol? Ah, college. (1pt.)

Successfully used alcohol to lower a woman's resistance? That's the lazy way! (0pts.)

Passed out due to alcohol? I've got worse stories than that. (1pt.)

Been propositioned by or propositioned a man? Not a once! What do I not have? (0pts.)

Had your bare genitals fondled by a man not your doctor? Again, if your doctor is fondling you, its time to find a new doctor. (0pts.)

Fondled the genitals of another man? Other than my doctor? (0pts.)

Attempted to rape a woman? no. (0pts.)

Succeeded? no. (0pts.)

Ejaculated into a woman's mouth? Yes. (1pt.)

Into her face? Grammatically speaking, it would be "onto" her face. The preposition "in" is only applied if the object in question lies within the boundaries of an area or within the confines of a volume, and although a "face" is a limited area, it is neither confined nor boundried. And Yes I have. (1pt.)

Into her hand? It happens. (1pt.)

Onto her buttocks? I do love buttocks. (1pt.)

Given a woman a pearl necklace? Not as good a gift as it sounds, apparently. (1pt.)

Ever tied up a woman prior to having sex with her? Yup. (1pt.)

Ever been tied up by a woman prior to sex? Yup. (1pt.)

Used other objects to restrain a woman? Other than what? Oh well, I'm fairly certain the answer is yes. (1pt.)

Role-played? Yes. (1pt.)

Worn woman's clothing? In a play, once. Does that count? I don't think it counts. (0pts.)

Had a venereal disease? Nope, and that's one of those points I'm hoping to never mark off. (0pts.)

Given a woman a rim job The same test that uses "necking," "buttocks" and "cheek to cheek" is now asking me about "pearl necklaces" and "rim jobs." And yes I have. (1pt.)

Received a rim job from a woman? Well, fair is fair, after all. (1pt.)

Had Sex? Yes. (1pt.)

Before age 15? Good god, I didn't even know what a vagina was when I was 15. Okay, I knew
what it was, but I sure as hell didn't have the slightest chance of getting anywhere near one. (0pts.)

In the last three months? Yup. (1pt.)

Without birth control? Never a once. (0pts.)

With a virgin? Once. (1pt.)

During her period? Technically, Yes. (1pt.)

In a car? Yes. (1pt.)

In a moving car? Does a bus count? I think a bus should count. I'm giving me the point. (1pt.)

Outside on the ground? Rather uncomfortable. (1pt.)

In a bathroom stall? I would have a hard time finding a bathroom stall I would be willing to fuck in. Maybe in the ladies room, they're probably nice and clean, aren't they? (0pts.)

In an elevator? Every week, on the way to Psychology class. (1pt.)

Doggie style? I should hope so! (1pt.)

Greek style? I had to look this up. Appearantly, "Greek" means "Anal". I had no Idea. And Yes I have. (1pt.)

Sitting up? Yes. (1pt.)

In your house while your parents were home? Soooooooo many times. (1pt.)

On the first date? Not even close. (0pts.)

With a woman who was unconscious or asleep? Nope. (0pts.)

With a woman of a different race? I don't even know any women of a different race. Except my landlady, but that is not going to happen. (0pts.)

With a prostitute? If you'd ever seen Halifax prostitutes, you wouldn't need to ask. (0pts.)

With more than one girl? At once? That probably means at once, doesn't it? (0pts.)

More than three times in one night? Those are the best nights! (1pt.)

More than ten times with one particular woman? More than a thousand times with one particular woman. (1pt.)

Been watched during sex? Yup. (1pt.)

Rented a hotel room during intercourse? During? That would be extremely difficult. I've had sex in a hotel room, though, so I'm taking the point. (1pt.)

Been in an orgy? Never. (0pts.)

Got a woman pregnant? Never. (0pts.)

Committed bestiality? Not likely to happen. (0pts.)

Committed adultery? Nope. (0pts.)

Committed incest? Have I mentioned How I feel about me relatives? (0pts.)

Committed statutory rape? In Canada, the age for statutory rape is 14, so I should certainly hope not. (0pts.)

34% pure. Not bad. The average is 56%. Not ideal, but I only have a few more points to make up, and there's always a few points of difference depending on which test you take.

I wish someone would hit me in the head with a frying pan so I could get some sleep.