i saw someone today watching someone else as they were speaking to him and his eyes were full of excitment. she was speaking her ideas to him--questioning interpretations. and he was fully engaged with her. like a person coming to some sort of revelation where all the pieces of the world could fit together if you could just formulate those words on the tip of your tongue into coherent expression.
he had little if anything to learn from this interaction. he was, by far, her superior in the subject. but nevertheless, the emotion that oozed out of his being in response to ideas and curiousity was overwhelming to me.
that's when i realized that recently i have lost a part of myself. killed off in one of those 25 year wars that i've been fighting. i have been so obsessed with my own expression, with someone understanding my enthusiasm and my curiousity that i have positioned such matters on a one-way road. I am always pressing them upon others and looking for a response like that which this man gave to his conversational partner. I've forgotten how to be like that. i've forgotten how to get inside someone elses head and let their curiousity carry me away. instead i have been drowning inside my own head. alone.
i've been self centred. i have forgotten what was important. i want to feel like he did. i want to feel like she did. instead, i stood there in silence.
i fell off the edge of the planet a while ago and still haven't been able to climb my way back on. some people peer out into the abyss and come back. some people never find it. some people fear it. some people don't even know what i'm talking about. i, like the fool, unwittingly stepped out into it.
i catch glimses of importance. i catch glimpses of meaning. but i feel detached and outside of it. how does one make it back?
he had little if anything to learn from this interaction. he was, by far, her superior in the subject. but nevertheless, the emotion that oozed out of his being in response to ideas and curiousity was overwhelming to me.
that's when i realized that recently i have lost a part of myself. killed off in one of those 25 year wars that i've been fighting. i have been so obsessed with my own expression, with someone understanding my enthusiasm and my curiousity that i have positioned such matters on a one-way road. I am always pressing them upon others and looking for a response like that which this man gave to his conversational partner. I've forgotten how to be like that. i've forgotten how to get inside someone elses head and let their curiousity carry me away. instead i have been drowning inside my own head. alone.
i've been self centred. i have forgotten what was important. i want to feel like he did. i want to feel like she did. instead, i stood there in silence.
i fell off the edge of the planet a while ago and still haven't been able to climb my way back on. some people peer out into the abyss and come back. some people never find it. some people fear it. some people don't even know what i'm talking about. i, like the fool, unwittingly stepped out into it.
i catch glimses of importance. i catch glimpses of meaning. but i feel detached and outside of it. how does one make it back?
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suicidal_bunny:
On a side note I'm inlove with your ribs, the fish is wicked.
rubyrouge:
Darling, you come with me and you wont need to worry or feel shy. I would feel the same way if I didn't know anyone but I have 2 good friends who are coming and probably another few friends of friends who will tag along. I wish my journal entry was still around from the one I went to before. They really are unlike anything you have ever been to before. Its a really saucy and sexy atmosphere but there's absolutely no sleaze or seediness. And because there are no boys everyone is a lot less inhibited and there is much spontaneous pole dancing and loads of booty-shaking. You can wear whatever makes you feel sexy. Last time I wore a tight pencil skirt and a boob tube but this time I'm going to dress a little more provocatively... but can't decide what yet 
Although there are lots of bisexual and lesbian girls there, there's plenty of straight girls and its just a really friendly and non-snooty atmosphere. Have I convinced you now? 
Although there are lots of bisexual and lesbian girls there, there's plenty of straight girls and its just a really friendly and non-snooty atmosphere. Have I convinced you now?