Countdown: 15 days until the party. get your act together and buy some fucking presents you cheap skates!
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i fell off a horse when i was about 10 years old. i actually didn't fall off of it, it threw me off. my friend was sitting in the saddle and i was behind her. we were just wandering around the fields of ohio, as you do when you ride horses aimlessly.
the horse's name was 'buck'. how redneck is that? anyway, buck and his lady bitch, who's name escapes me at the moment, were quite used to having us children hang around. we'd play with them in the barn, and run underneath them, tug on their tails, you know--the kind of stuff kids do. once one of the horses stepped on my friend's foot and hurt her. i remained very straightfaced about the situation, but inside was laughing very hard. she was a bitch that friend of mine. but i was masochistic, even at such a young age and i liked to hang out with people who hurt me. i played my roll well. i think she would have punched me in the face had a laughed out loud. hehehe.
anyway, we were out and about letting buck take us for a ride, but he was such an old fart. he knew he was toting about 2 children and didn't want to hurt them, so his pace was about as slow as that of the most geriatric of the geriatrics at the local geriatric shop, er, i mean 'assisted living' development.
yeah, we tried the kicking with our heels bit to get some motion out of the old boy, but this proved unsuccessful. i think he got tired of the kicking though. he threw us off. i still feel guilty about it.
anyway, the next thing i knew, i was heading face first toward the ground a few paces away from the beast, and what do you do in this situation? you put out your hands in efforts to save your face from being smashed. that's what i did. and it smashed my wrist.
it kind of hurt. a lot. i screamed. a lot. my friend's dad came running from what must have been 1/2 a mile away. i screamed the whole time. he picked me up and ran with me back to the house to call an ambulance. yes, this was that period in human history before mobile phones. what a stud. he ran for ages.
well, as it turned out, the house was so far away from civilization, and apparently the country-folk aren't worth the effort to save from horrible accidents and house fires and stuff. the ambulance would be some time. so, we all piled in the pick up truck. i had passed out from being thrown, first off a horse, then thrown all about over the shoulder of some dude running to a house, and then onto the sofa, etc, with very little concern for the part of my body that i was actually screaming about.
so, when i came to at the hospital, i noticed that my hand was a good 3 inches above where it should have been if i held my arm out straight in front of me. my wrist was totally fucked. the doctor came in and look at it. no ex-ray. apparently it wasn't needed. i thought, yeah, its obvious that its broken, anyone can see that. and anyone could. except the doctor. and the nurses. and the entire staff at the hospital. they said there was little wrong with it. they put a feeble brace on it and gave me a bottle of some very strong pain killers and sent us home.
the pain fucked me up. the pain killers fucked me up even more but did little to minimize the pain. so the next day, my mother, the wonderful lady that she is, decided to take my brother, my cousin, and me to the swimming pool. is this cruel and unusual punishment. i think so. i could hardly walk on account of my crippled self and adult super strength pain pills.
to sum up the story (because i'm fucking hungry and want to head off to lunch), my hand turned black and eventually some neighbors convinced my mother to take me to a different hospital. the doctor was appalled. i think he even made my mother sit outside while he talked to me about the recent events. he had to operate that day. i almost lost my hand.
i still like horses though.
my mother sucks. i still hate her.
and i dont know what happened to that friend of mine.
and my wrist. i'm still taking pain killers. and it hurts like hell all the time.
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[edited to say: in case you were wondering, my new profile pic has not been photoshopped. i truely am a zombie]
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i fell off a horse when i was about 10 years old. i actually didn't fall off of it, it threw me off. my friend was sitting in the saddle and i was behind her. we were just wandering around the fields of ohio, as you do when you ride horses aimlessly.
the horse's name was 'buck'. how redneck is that? anyway, buck and his lady bitch, who's name escapes me at the moment, were quite used to having us children hang around. we'd play with them in the barn, and run underneath them, tug on their tails, you know--the kind of stuff kids do. once one of the horses stepped on my friend's foot and hurt her. i remained very straightfaced about the situation, but inside was laughing very hard. she was a bitch that friend of mine. but i was masochistic, even at such a young age and i liked to hang out with people who hurt me. i played my roll well. i think she would have punched me in the face had a laughed out loud. hehehe.
anyway, we were out and about letting buck take us for a ride, but he was such an old fart. he knew he was toting about 2 children and didn't want to hurt them, so his pace was about as slow as that of the most geriatric of the geriatrics at the local geriatric shop, er, i mean 'assisted living' development.
yeah, we tried the kicking with our heels bit to get some motion out of the old boy, but this proved unsuccessful. i think he got tired of the kicking though. he threw us off. i still feel guilty about it.
anyway, the next thing i knew, i was heading face first toward the ground a few paces away from the beast, and what do you do in this situation? you put out your hands in efforts to save your face from being smashed. that's what i did. and it smashed my wrist.
it kind of hurt. a lot. i screamed. a lot. my friend's dad came running from what must have been 1/2 a mile away. i screamed the whole time. he picked me up and ran with me back to the house to call an ambulance. yes, this was that period in human history before mobile phones. what a stud. he ran for ages.
well, as it turned out, the house was so far away from civilization, and apparently the country-folk aren't worth the effort to save from horrible accidents and house fires and stuff. the ambulance would be some time. so, we all piled in the pick up truck. i had passed out from being thrown, first off a horse, then thrown all about over the shoulder of some dude running to a house, and then onto the sofa, etc, with very little concern for the part of my body that i was actually screaming about.
so, when i came to at the hospital, i noticed that my hand was a good 3 inches above where it should have been if i held my arm out straight in front of me. my wrist was totally fucked. the doctor came in and look at it. no ex-ray. apparently it wasn't needed. i thought, yeah, its obvious that its broken, anyone can see that. and anyone could. except the doctor. and the nurses. and the entire staff at the hospital. they said there was little wrong with it. they put a feeble brace on it and gave me a bottle of some very strong pain killers and sent us home.
the pain fucked me up. the pain killers fucked me up even more but did little to minimize the pain. so the next day, my mother, the wonderful lady that she is, decided to take my brother, my cousin, and me to the swimming pool. is this cruel and unusual punishment. i think so. i could hardly walk on account of my crippled self and adult super strength pain pills.
to sum up the story (because i'm fucking hungry and want to head off to lunch), my hand turned black and eventually some neighbors convinced my mother to take me to a different hospital. the doctor was appalled. i think he even made my mother sit outside while he talked to me about the recent events. he had to operate that day. i almost lost my hand.
i still like horses though.
my mother sucks. i still hate her.
and i dont know what happened to that friend of mine.
and my wrist. i'm still taking pain killers. and it hurts like hell all the time.
___________________________________
[edited to say: in case you were wondering, my new profile pic has not been photoshopped. i truely am a zombie]
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
Retarded horse? No, I think he knew I was a dumbass and was playing with me..
would you like some nice tasty brains?