INTERVIEW WITH THE LIBERAL MEDIA
I kept hearing about the liberal media, so I thought I'd sit down and ask it a few questions. It ushered me into its spacious New York apartment and offered me some truffles and a delicious glass of wine, which I enjoyed for its saucy (but not pretentious) flirtiness, its gracious nose, and a slight hint of nutty Edam cheese. Then I started asking questions...
Let's start with something safe like the arts. We'll begin with movies. With all the liberal criticisms of violence in the media, why did "The Passion of the Christ" make so much money around the world?
"With its laborious build-up to its orgasmic spurtings of blood and other bodily fluids, Mr. Gibson's film is constructed like nothing so much as a porn movie, replete with slo-mo climaxes and pounding music for the money shots"
- Frank Rich, NY Times, Mar. 7, 2004.
Wow. Maybe this isn't a safe topic. What did you think of "The Polar Express"?
"[P]arents may marvel that when Santa's big red sack of toys is hoisted from factory floor to sleigh it resembles nothing so much as an airborne scrotum."
- Manohla Dargis, NY Times, Nov. 10, 2004.
Gosh. What do your TV editors think of that new show "American Dreams"?
"It's the Same Old Song -- A Texan In the White House, A Divisive WarIt's Back to the Present On 'American Dreams.'"
- Cover of Jan 2-8, 2005 NY Times TV Schedule.
Harsh... isn't that headline a little slanted?
"Conservatives in Hollywood and New York always complain about stigma and persecution in the media and entertainment worlds, which makes one wonder why they don't get out more."
Alessandra Stanley, NY Times TV critic, Jan. 30, 2005.
Okay, let's turn to poetry. You recently profiled the radical anti-war poet C.K. Williams. How would you describe him?
"The poetry of C. K. Williams is the antidote to patriotic jingoism, moral smugness and the imbecility of the easily amused. His fierce, unrelenting moral spotlight, turned unflinchingly on himself and the world around him, however, has intensified with war and terrorism."
- Chris Hedges, NY Times, Jan. 13, 2005.
William F. Buckley recently retired at the National Review. What questions would you have for him?
"You have made so many offensive comments over the years. Do you regret any of them?"
"You seem indifferent to suffering. Have you ever suffered yourself?"
-Deborah Solomon, NY Times, Jul. 11, 2004.
Gee, I hate to think what you would ask President Bush.
"Do you feel any sense of personal responsibility for September 11th?"
- Elisabeth Bumiller, NY Times, Apr. 13, 2004.
How, why, as a fiscal conservative as you like to call yourself, would you allow a $500 billion deficit and this kind of deficit disaster?...Every President since the Civil War who has gone to war has raised taxes, not cut them.... Why not say, I will not cut taxes any more until we have balanced the budget? If our situation is so precious and delicate because of the war, why do you keep cutting taxes and draining money from the Treasury?...How about no more tax cuts until the budget is balanced?
- Tim Russert, Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004.
Wow, so what do you really think of the President?
What happens when you go in the Oval Office is you start living in a bubble, you know....David Kay, for instance, comes out with a report and says Iraq never had weapons of mass destruction. What does George W. Bush say? Well, I still think they had them. Thats not just spin. Thats dementia.
- Ron Reagan, Jr., MSNBC, Jan. 27, 2004.
Do you have any tough questions for Sen. Kerry?
Do you think this administration and its political handlers like Karl Rove are capable of recognizing they cant beat you on the jobs issue, they cant beat you on foreign policy, so theyre gonna drop this nonsensical stuff [on you]?
Chris Matthews, Hardball, Apr. 27, 2004.
"Speaking of angry, have you ever had any anger about President Bush who spent his time during the Vietnam War in the National Guard running, in effect, a campaign that does its best to diminish your service in Vietnam? You have to be at least irritated by that, or have you been?
- Dan Rather, CBS Evening News, Jul. 22, 2004.
Wow, the Republicans are really evil, huh? How about Dick Cheney?
One of the obstacles for Dick Cheney tonight is the fact that he has become a dark figure....There are those who believe that Dick Cheney has led this administration and this President down a path of recklessness, that maybe his approach, his dark approach to this constant battle against another civilization, is actually the wrong approach for ultimately keeping America safe.
David Gregory, MSNBC, Sep. 1, 2004.
So you think Cheney is a "dark figure"?
In politics, self-made men seem to fall into two categories: sunny and dark....In the 2004 election, Dick Cheney projects the bleakness of a Wyoming winter, while John Edwards always appears to be strolling in the Carolina sunshine.
Team coverage, Newsweek cover story "The Sunshine Boys", Jul. 19, 2004.
So, if you had been introducing Mr. Cheney's debate with Sen. Edwards, what would you say?
Republican [Vice President Dick] Cheney, portrayed by critics as the dark architect of the Iraq war, and Democrat [Senator John] Edwards, the sunny Southerner with the homespun style, meet in a 90-minute televised encounter"
John Whitesides, Reuters, Oct. 4, 2004.
What would you say to Dick Cheney if he was here now?
I read you once took a psychological profile test, and it said the position youre most suited for is undertaker.
-Claire Shipman, Good Morning America, Aug. 31, 2004.
How would you describe the Republican National Convention?
".... many of the people at [the Republican National Convention], for all their flag-waving, hate America. They want a controlled, monolithic society; they fear and loathe our nation's freedom, diversity and complexity."
-Paul Krugman, NY Times, Sep. 3, 2004.
Do you have an answer to the charges that John Kerry was a flip-flopper?
"What his critics see as an inability to take strong, clear positions seems to us to reflect his appreciation that life is not simple."
-Editorial, NY Times, Feb. 26, 2004.
So, you mean Kerry's flip-flopping is a good thing?
He [John Kerry] also could make a virtue, it seems to me, of the so-called flip-flopping. The greatest flip-flop in American history is Lincoln, [who] in his first Inaugural was not for emancipation and then two years later he was. Is that statesmanship or is that a flip-flop?
Jon Meacham of Newsweek, MSNBC, Sep. 30, 2004.
OK, what about the Kerry campaign? Talk a little about Ohio...
It was the all important and perfectly choreographed first glimpse of the Democratic Partys new dream team. The Kerry and Edwards families posing for pictures, a nervous first date with the American public....Humor from the boss, humanity from his running mate....Team Kerry touched and tickled their way to Ohio, the first stop in a six-state, five-day swing through battleground states....Both partners in this political marriage hope its a winning formula....At the moment, star-struck Democrats are willing to believe.
- Byron Pitts, CBS Evening News, Jul. 7, 2004.
OK, let's talk about the 2nd term. What do you see in Pres. Bush's future?
"Even if Mr. Bush wins re-election this November, he, too, will eventually be dragged down by the powerful undertow that inevitably accompanies public deception. The public will grow intolerant of partisan predators and crony capitalists indulging in a frenzy of feeding at the troughs in Baghdad and Washington. And there will come a time when the President will have no one to rely on except his most rabid allies in the right-wing media. He will discover too late that you cannot win the hearts and minds of the public at large in a nation polarized and pulverized by endless propaganda in defiance of reality..."
-Bill Moyers, Now, Mar. 26, 2004.
What might Pres. Bush's future Supreme Court appointments hold for the nation?
"Abortion might be a crime in most states. Gay people could be thrown in prison for having sex in their homes. States might be free to become mini-theocracies, endorsing Christianity and using tax money to help spread the gospel. The Constitution might no longer protect inmates from being brutalized by prison guards. Family and medical leave and environmental protections could disappear."
-Adam Cohen, NY Times, Oct. 18, 2004.
What do you think of Pres. Bush's plans to reform Social Security?
"As a reader of the Mutual Funds Report, you may well know that the Bush administration is making Social Security reform a cornerstone of domestic policy. After all, you're most likely an investor -- someone who knows a thing or two about long-term goals and risk and the importance of prudent financial management. Which is why you may think that proponents of the new system are out of their gourds. For the record, proponents of the plan state that they are not out of their gourds."
- John Schwartz, NY Times, Jan. 9, 2005.
Turning to world affairs, what do you think of Yassir Arafat's successor?
"[Palestinian candidate Mahmoud] Abbas, with no heroic history like that of his predecessor as chairman of the Palestine Liberation Organization, Yassir Arafat, has been campaigning in Mr. Arafat's footsteps if not in his clothes."
- Steven Erlanger, NY Times, Jan. 6, 2005.
You really think Yassir Arafat was "heroic"? Wow. You know, this makes me want to skip the entire Iraq War issue and move on to ...uhm...how about the weather? Can we talk about the weather?
"Many Indonesians compare the earthquake disaster to the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks in the United States, but note that the death toll here is far greater. Other nations, including Singapore and Australia to the south, got helicopters and medical assistance into Indonesia earlier than the United States."
- Jane Perlez, NY Times, Jan. 2, 2005.
Okay, ya know what, I think I have my answers. We'll end this interview here. Thanks for the wine & truffles. Lovely view of Ground Zero you have, by the way. Good night."
I kept hearing about the liberal media, so I thought I'd sit down and ask it a few questions. It ushered me into its spacious New York apartment and offered me some truffles and a delicious glass of wine, which I enjoyed for its saucy (but not pretentious) flirtiness, its gracious nose, and a slight hint of nutty Edam cheese. Then I started asking questions...
Let's start with something safe like the arts. We'll begin with movies. With all the liberal criticisms of violence in the media, why did "The Passion of the Christ" make so much money around the world?
"With its laborious build-up to its orgasmic spurtings of blood and other bodily fluids, Mr. Gibson's film is constructed like nothing so much as a porn movie, replete with slo-mo climaxes and pounding music for the money shots"
- Frank Rich, NY Times, Mar. 7, 2004.
Wow. Maybe this isn't a safe topic. What did you think of "The Polar Express"?
"[P]arents may marvel that when Santa's big red sack of toys is hoisted from factory floor to sleigh it resembles nothing so much as an airborne scrotum."
- Manohla Dargis, NY Times, Nov. 10, 2004.
Gosh. What do your TV editors think of that new show "American Dreams"?
"It's the Same Old Song -- A Texan In the White House, A Divisive WarIt's Back to the Present On 'American Dreams.'"
- Cover of Jan 2-8, 2005 NY Times TV Schedule.
Harsh... isn't that headline a little slanted?
"Conservatives in Hollywood and New York always complain about stigma and persecution in the media and entertainment worlds, which makes one wonder why they don't get out more."
Alessandra Stanley, NY Times TV critic, Jan. 30, 2005.
Okay, let's turn to poetry. You recently profiled the radical anti-war poet C.K. Williams. How would you describe him?
"The poetry of C. K. Williams is the antidote to patriotic jingoism, moral smugness and the imbecility of the easily amused. His fierce, unrelenting moral spotlight, turned unflinchingly on himself and the world around him, however, has intensified with war and terrorism."
- Chris Hedges, NY Times, Jan. 13, 2005.
William F. Buckley recently retired at the National Review. What questions would you have for him?
"You have made so many offensive comments over the years. Do you regret any of them?"
"You seem indifferent to suffering. Have you ever suffered yourself?"
-Deborah Solomon, NY Times, Jul. 11, 2004.
Gee, I hate to think what you would ask President Bush.
"Do you feel any sense of personal responsibility for September 11th?"
- Elisabeth Bumiller, NY Times, Apr. 13, 2004.
How, why, as a fiscal conservative as you like to call yourself, would you allow a $500 billion deficit and this kind of deficit disaster?...Every President since the Civil War who has gone to war has raised taxes, not cut them.... Why not say, I will not cut taxes any more until we have balanced the budget? If our situation is so precious and delicate because of the war, why do you keep cutting taxes and draining money from the Treasury?...How about no more tax cuts until the budget is balanced?
- Tim Russert, Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004.
Wow, so what do you really think of the President?
What happens when you go in the Oval Office is you start living in a bubble, you know....David Kay, for instance, comes out with a report and says Iraq never had weapons of mass destruction. What does George W. Bush say? Well, I still think they had them. Thats not just spin. Thats dementia.
- Ron Reagan, Jr., MSNBC, Jan. 27, 2004.
Do you have any tough questions for Sen. Kerry?
Do you think this administration and its political handlers like Karl Rove are capable of recognizing they cant beat you on the jobs issue, they cant beat you on foreign policy, so theyre gonna drop this nonsensical stuff [on you]?
Chris Matthews, Hardball, Apr. 27, 2004.
"Speaking of angry, have you ever had any anger about President Bush who spent his time during the Vietnam War in the National Guard running, in effect, a campaign that does its best to diminish your service in Vietnam? You have to be at least irritated by that, or have you been?
- Dan Rather, CBS Evening News, Jul. 22, 2004.
Wow, the Republicans are really evil, huh? How about Dick Cheney?
One of the obstacles for Dick Cheney tonight is the fact that he has become a dark figure....There are those who believe that Dick Cheney has led this administration and this President down a path of recklessness, that maybe his approach, his dark approach to this constant battle against another civilization, is actually the wrong approach for ultimately keeping America safe.
David Gregory, MSNBC, Sep. 1, 2004.
So you think Cheney is a "dark figure"?
In politics, self-made men seem to fall into two categories: sunny and dark....In the 2004 election, Dick Cheney projects the bleakness of a Wyoming winter, while John Edwards always appears to be strolling in the Carolina sunshine.
Team coverage, Newsweek cover story "The Sunshine Boys", Jul. 19, 2004.
So, if you had been introducing Mr. Cheney's debate with Sen. Edwards, what would you say?
Republican [Vice President Dick] Cheney, portrayed by critics as the dark architect of the Iraq war, and Democrat [Senator John] Edwards, the sunny Southerner with the homespun style, meet in a 90-minute televised encounter"
John Whitesides, Reuters, Oct. 4, 2004.
What would you say to Dick Cheney if he was here now?
I read you once took a psychological profile test, and it said the position youre most suited for is undertaker.
-Claire Shipman, Good Morning America, Aug. 31, 2004.
How would you describe the Republican National Convention?
".... many of the people at [the Republican National Convention], for all their flag-waving, hate America. They want a controlled, monolithic society; they fear and loathe our nation's freedom, diversity and complexity."
-Paul Krugman, NY Times, Sep. 3, 2004.
Do you have an answer to the charges that John Kerry was a flip-flopper?
"What his critics see as an inability to take strong, clear positions seems to us to reflect his appreciation that life is not simple."
-Editorial, NY Times, Feb. 26, 2004.
So, you mean Kerry's flip-flopping is a good thing?
He [John Kerry] also could make a virtue, it seems to me, of the so-called flip-flopping. The greatest flip-flop in American history is Lincoln, [who] in his first Inaugural was not for emancipation and then two years later he was. Is that statesmanship or is that a flip-flop?
Jon Meacham of Newsweek, MSNBC, Sep. 30, 2004.
OK, what about the Kerry campaign? Talk a little about Ohio...
It was the all important and perfectly choreographed first glimpse of the Democratic Partys new dream team. The Kerry and Edwards families posing for pictures, a nervous first date with the American public....Humor from the boss, humanity from his running mate....Team Kerry touched and tickled their way to Ohio, the first stop in a six-state, five-day swing through battleground states....Both partners in this political marriage hope its a winning formula....At the moment, star-struck Democrats are willing to believe.
- Byron Pitts, CBS Evening News, Jul. 7, 2004.
OK, let's talk about the 2nd term. What do you see in Pres. Bush's future?
"Even if Mr. Bush wins re-election this November, he, too, will eventually be dragged down by the powerful undertow that inevitably accompanies public deception. The public will grow intolerant of partisan predators and crony capitalists indulging in a frenzy of feeding at the troughs in Baghdad and Washington. And there will come a time when the President will have no one to rely on except his most rabid allies in the right-wing media. He will discover too late that you cannot win the hearts and minds of the public at large in a nation polarized and pulverized by endless propaganda in defiance of reality..."
-Bill Moyers, Now, Mar. 26, 2004.
What might Pres. Bush's future Supreme Court appointments hold for the nation?
"Abortion might be a crime in most states. Gay people could be thrown in prison for having sex in their homes. States might be free to become mini-theocracies, endorsing Christianity and using tax money to help spread the gospel. The Constitution might no longer protect inmates from being brutalized by prison guards. Family and medical leave and environmental protections could disappear."
-Adam Cohen, NY Times, Oct. 18, 2004.
What do you think of Pres. Bush's plans to reform Social Security?
"As a reader of the Mutual Funds Report, you may well know that the Bush administration is making Social Security reform a cornerstone of domestic policy. After all, you're most likely an investor -- someone who knows a thing or two about long-term goals and risk and the importance of prudent financial management. Which is why you may think that proponents of the new system are out of their gourds. For the record, proponents of the plan state that they are not out of their gourds."
- John Schwartz, NY Times, Jan. 9, 2005.
Turning to world affairs, what do you think of Yassir Arafat's successor?
"[Palestinian candidate Mahmoud] Abbas, with no heroic history like that of his predecessor as chairman of the Palestine Liberation Organization, Yassir Arafat, has been campaigning in Mr. Arafat's footsteps if not in his clothes."
- Steven Erlanger, NY Times, Jan. 6, 2005.
You really think Yassir Arafat was "heroic"? Wow. You know, this makes me want to skip the entire Iraq War issue and move on to ...uhm...how about the weather? Can we talk about the weather?
"Many Indonesians compare the earthquake disaster to the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks in the United States, but note that the death toll here is far greater. Other nations, including Singapore and Australia to the south, got helicopters and medical assistance into Indonesia earlier than the United States."
- Jane Perlez, NY Times, Jan. 2, 2005.
Okay, ya know what, I think I have my answers. We'll end this interview here. Thanks for the wine & truffles. Lovely view of Ground Zero you have, by the way. Good night."