My uncle Robert was one of the greatest people I even met. He knew how to party. He was dieing of CF, and one of the oldest people to ever live with the disease... He would party non stop. He never slowed down. He died with three full gallons of flem in his chest. I loved that man, and when I was like 14, he looked at me and said... "Travis, There is never enough pills to make the pain go away!"
That became my motto. My cry to war and to the world of music, sex and drugs. This weekend became a great example of how I live my life. My house as predicted was full of crazy party kids.. Many of which are kids I have been partying with a lot lately.. Others were kids I use to party with... which is my point.. The kids from my pasts have stepped out and thought they were done a couple of years ago... They were once like the kids I am with now... Then they became the kids they are now, and soon they will become the kids they want to be.
Visiting with me and getting wasted in my bar, was like visiting an ex-gf from you past on good terms.... One last one to make sure you made the right choice...
Thats what I became to these kids, an icon from their past. once we were family now, I am this party icon from their past that they show to there other friends now, and say "look I use to hang out with that guy and that crew see how crazy I was.."
"..I was."? So to them I am the past and to the kids now I am the present... this circle has happen to me before .. when those kids were theses kids... there were other kids from before them.. who did the same thing.. pointed and called me the past.
I don't know how I feel about this... I love who I am.. I have enjoyed all my regrets. however there is pain. the pain is at 6 in the morning when you are still awake and your pupils return to normal size as you watch the sunset, and the faces of all those "best friends" tear through your mind. All of them were so close and so great. but when did they leave when did they stop showing up? I don't remember because it all happens so fast they come iun and go out. And when they come with their new friends to show them the icon from so many years ago.. I get confused because in my mind that past they speak of was last night.
So I party next harder next week and do more excess then the last.. And all because inside I am looking for something or someone in this blur of a life... And I just have to dull the pain of the past long enough to find it...But like Robert said... "There is never enough pills to make the pain go away."
I meet with record guys on Thursday again... maybe this time I will just say some thing great...
That became my motto. My cry to war and to the world of music, sex and drugs. This weekend became a great example of how I live my life. My house as predicted was full of crazy party kids.. Many of which are kids I have been partying with a lot lately.. Others were kids I use to party with... which is my point.. The kids from my pasts have stepped out and thought they were done a couple of years ago... They were once like the kids I am with now... Then they became the kids they are now, and soon they will become the kids they want to be.
Visiting with me and getting wasted in my bar, was like visiting an ex-gf from you past on good terms.... One last one to make sure you made the right choice...
Thats what I became to these kids, an icon from their past. once we were family now, I am this party icon from their past that they show to there other friends now, and say "look I use to hang out with that guy and that crew see how crazy I was.."
"..I was."? So to them I am the past and to the kids now I am the present... this circle has happen to me before .. when those kids were theses kids... there were other kids from before them.. who did the same thing.. pointed and called me the past.
I don't know how I feel about this... I love who I am.. I have enjoyed all my regrets. however there is pain. the pain is at 6 in the morning when you are still awake and your pupils return to normal size as you watch the sunset, and the faces of all those "best friends" tear through your mind. All of them were so close and so great. but when did they leave when did they stop showing up? I don't remember because it all happens so fast they come iun and go out. And when they come with their new friends to show them the icon from so many years ago.. I get confused because in my mind that past they speak of was last night.
So I party next harder next week and do more excess then the last.. And all because inside I am looking for something or someone in this blur of a life... And I just have to dull the pain of the past long enough to find it...But like Robert said... "There is never enough pills to make the pain go away."
I meet with record guys on Thursday again... maybe this time I will just say some thing great...