Forgive me SG for i have sinned.
It has almost been 2 months since my last confession...
I have not been online chatting with the amazing people on here. I don't really have a reason not to. Perhaps i'm just a selfish bitch.
I guess I'm just getting frustrated. I'm so sick of being me. When you're uncomfortable all the time (and i really do mean that.. all the time, im not even comfortable when im sleeping anymore.) it's hard to stay in touch with people. Let alone post a blog which mostly talks about what's happening in my life.
I'm trying to write music, but I'm starting to feel like the world's worst piano player and singer. That used to be kind of how i identified myself, but even that feels shaky.
Lately i've been feeling bored, Bored with my life in all aspects. Work, home, music, family, friends. And it isn't because of the routine i have to follow. Wake up, go to work, work out, come home, maybe see either friends or family/play piano, sleep. Without passion, it makes it hard to have my life gel (so to speak) like it used to.
I was passionate about working. I felt like i was making a difference. Albeit a small difference, but an impact nonetheless. I made people happy. I've had several people who prior to working with me had a shitty day and by the end of our encounter wanted to give me a hug. And you should never turn down a hug. I met a lot of people who are extremely interesting and I like to imagine their lives, places they've been, things they've done. But that is tainted when there are people who will be rude just 'cause. No reason. But maybe that's just retail. In any case, that happens so often i wonder if i made a dent in anyone's bad mood anymore. Lately i feel like i just add to it.
I was passionate about my relationship and the wedding and our home. But that has changed as well. I don't know why. Perhaps its a domino effect. One things fucks another up. Same with my family and friends.
My music is suffering as well. It's hard to write and play when you feel like an utter dumbass who doesn't know what she is doing half the time.
Half the time i feel like im underwater. It's so hard to focus.
I dont feel like me and havent felt like me for a long time. Do i even know what me feels like?
I'm hanging by a thread but God that thread is beautiful.
It has almost been 2 months since my last confession...
I have not been online chatting with the amazing people on here. I don't really have a reason not to. Perhaps i'm just a selfish bitch.
I guess I'm just getting frustrated. I'm so sick of being me. When you're uncomfortable all the time (and i really do mean that.. all the time, im not even comfortable when im sleeping anymore.) it's hard to stay in touch with people. Let alone post a blog which mostly talks about what's happening in my life.
I'm trying to write music, but I'm starting to feel like the world's worst piano player and singer. That used to be kind of how i identified myself, but even that feels shaky.
Lately i've been feeling bored, Bored with my life in all aspects. Work, home, music, family, friends. And it isn't because of the routine i have to follow. Wake up, go to work, work out, come home, maybe see either friends or family/play piano, sleep. Without passion, it makes it hard to have my life gel (so to speak) like it used to.
I was passionate about working. I felt like i was making a difference. Albeit a small difference, but an impact nonetheless. I made people happy. I've had several people who prior to working with me had a shitty day and by the end of our encounter wanted to give me a hug. And you should never turn down a hug. I met a lot of people who are extremely interesting and I like to imagine their lives, places they've been, things they've done. But that is tainted when there are people who will be rude just 'cause. No reason. But maybe that's just retail. In any case, that happens so often i wonder if i made a dent in anyone's bad mood anymore. Lately i feel like i just add to it.
I was passionate about my relationship and the wedding and our home. But that has changed as well. I don't know why. Perhaps its a domino effect. One things fucks another up. Same with my family and friends.
My music is suffering as well. It's hard to write and play when you feel like an utter dumbass who doesn't know what she is doing half the time.
Half the time i feel like im underwater. It's so hard to focus.
I dont feel like me and havent felt like me for a long time. Do i even know what me feels like?
I'm hanging by a thread but God that thread is beautiful.
burntsolace:
*hugz* hang in there!