raellem

thanks for making the Communist rise again. the moment i got home, it pops up.

i lasted a topping 4 days without it, and now... well... all i have is a quote from the Wizard of Oz to say anything. and "anything" is jumbled because i'm hurt. i'm really really hurt that you could let my actions be so constrewed to the point that you take my friendship and willingness to be nothing more than the closest friend and outlet to you POSSIBLE, that you tell me that you have to leave. that you may or may not have taken *what you said and did* that night to trigger what you're accusing me of being "a natural yet unaware decision" or whatever it was you said. you know what i'm talking about.
tonight as you told me this-- my thoughts centered in on your face rather than your words, so they didnt all sink in 100%. and your face was frantic.
i'm not used to you with a frantic face in the least.

regardless, people dont just do that. they dont. and i truly believe that in your heart, you may not have wanted those words to come out of your mouth.
but they did, and now you cant take them back.

this will make a hell of a journal entry for me.
cheers to me searching and trying to reach a standpoint with "good karma" and it backfiring in my face-- just like i told you that it was doing.

ball's in your court. quit changing your mind so much about your standpoint so verbally and explicitly, then you wont lead people to think that you're in need of a shoulder, an ear, a friend.

that's all i've ever wanted to be to you. if you cant see that, then there is absolutely nothing else that i can ever offer you.

as for the Wizard of Oz quote:
"Elvira Gultch. Just because you own half the county doesnt mean that you have the power to run the rest of us. For 23 years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you. And, well... Being a Christian woman, I cant say it."

until you decide that ive meant no ill will, "unknowingly" or not...
nL*