I'm not happy. I haven't been for 6 straight months . . . and before you begin to think something like I'm some "poor baby" who just isn't being spoiled enough . . . just read on.
I believe my first mistake was forming a minor happiness dependency on a love interest. . . Need I say more? I've since adjusted to the idea of relying on myself for contentment, but even still I've given my heart away and I think we all know one can not function with a heart 8 hours away.
Second mistake was moving 5 states away to go to a community college with no dorms. Yeah . . fun fun party party friends friends . . . NOT. Try as I might, I haven't made anything close to a friend. Boo. I've never been so incredibly miserable in my entire existence. Thus all my packing this week, to head home to PA.
Third mistake, which I guess isn't really a mistake as much as an on going problem . . . I have no idea what the fuck I want to do with this life of mine. I want this . . I want that. I'm already regretting things and to harbor regret this young is just . . . unhealthy and the first beckoning towards later disaster.
I want to be a tattoo artist. I want to be a bartender. I want to be a hair dresser (but not a generic snip snip one, more of a professional super swank one). I want my own pottery business. I want to be the eye candy on some rock star bassist. I want to move to Australia.
Just . . . FUCK.
I've gotten so much advice too . . It's gross. I haven't applied any of it to my situations yet. I guess it doesn't matter how many times we're told by outside influences, we've always gotta poke around ourselves. And it's not until we come screaming home, a bloody, blackened mess, that we realize they knew what they were talking about.
Maybe Now I'll Know A Little More About What I'm Talking About.
I believe my first mistake was forming a minor happiness dependency on a love interest. . . Need I say more? I've since adjusted to the idea of relying on myself for contentment, but even still I've given my heart away and I think we all know one can not function with a heart 8 hours away.
Second mistake was moving 5 states away to go to a community college with no dorms. Yeah . . fun fun party party friends friends . . . NOT. Try as I might, I haven't made anything close to a friend. Boo. I've never been so incredibly miserable in my entire existence. Thus all my packing this week, to head home to PA.
Third mistake, which I guess isn't really a mistake as much as an on going problem . . . I have no idea what the fuck I want to do with this life of mine. I want this . . I want that. I'm already regretting things and to harbor regret this young is just . . . unhealthy and the first beckoning towards later disaster.
I want to be a tattoo artist. I want to be a bartender. I want to be a hair dresser (but not a generic snip snip one, more of a professional super swank one). I want my own pottery business. I want to be the eye candy on some rock star bassist. I want to move to Australia.
Just . . . FUCK.
I've gotten so much advice too . . It's gross. I haven't applied any of it to my situations yet. I guess it doesn't matter how many times we're told by outside influences, we've always gotta poke around ourselves. And it's not until we come screaming home, a bloody, blackened mess, that we realize they knew what they were talking about.
Maybe Now I'll Know A Little More About What I'm Talking About.
sabbadoo:
I wish you the best of luck. I hope you feel better but I don't think that will happen till you figure out what you want. I know that is difficult. I am still figuring out what I want in my life as well.
beautiful_chaos:
