I hadn't planned on writing anything here tonight, but after reading the journals of all my friends, I've had a lot to think about. I guess I've done a little too much thinking lately, but that's ok..
So here it is.. the end of 2005.. This year has certainly brought about some major changes in my life.. Some good, some bad, but I wouldn't have it any other way! I can honestly say that this year I only have 3 regrets.. The first being the way my relationship with Chrissy ended.. Sure, we had our problems and were probably not the best for eachother, but she was special to me and probably always will be. We had a lot of good times together and I would much rather focus on those than focus on the last 3 months we were together.. My regret was not doing a better job of communicating with her when it was really needed.
The second on my list of regrets is the way I handled the situation with my brother and his addiction.. I should have never let him come to Philly because I truly believe that he may have hit a bottom sooner, had he stayed in Chicago longer.. Even so.. I should have been a better example..
And my third regret... well.. many of you know that I had not had a drink in almost 4 years.. well, all that ended shortly after my birthday this year.. I'm not sure why I decided to drink that night, but I did and I have been ever since. It's not as bad as it used to be and at times I doubt the fact that I'm an alcoholic.. I don't know anymore, I just know that if it wasn't for Jack Daniels, I might not have gotten through the last few months. I of course say this as I pour myself another double!
You know what's really funny? All these things I regret.. I am truly grateful for them at the same time.. I believe I've learned a lot this year and even though at times I question it.. I do feel as though I've made some progress.
I got something I've wanted for 7 years now.. I got my sailboat, one big enough to live on.. and with it comes a sense of freedom that I haven't known in years..
I have met a few really incredible people this year and that's the stuff I live for. To me, one of the most precious things in life is good conversation and I've had a lot of that this year.
You know.. looking back on this year.. I wouldn't have it any other way.
So here it is.. the end of 2005.. This year has certainly brought about some major changes in my life.. Some good, some bad, but I wouldn't have it any other way! I can honestly say that this year I only have 3 regrets.. The first being the way my relationship with Chrissy ended.. Sure, we had our problems and were probably not the best for eachother, but she was special to me and probably always will be. We had a lot of good times together and I would much rather focus on those than focus on the last 3 months we were together.. My regret was not doing a better job of communicating with her when it was really needed.
The second on my list of regrets is the way I handled the situation with my brother and his addiction.. I should have never let him come to Philly because I truly believe that he may have hit a bottom sooner, had he stayed in Chicago longer.. Even so.. I should have been a better example..
And my third regret... well.. many of you know that I had not had a drink in almost 4 years.. well, all that ended shortly after my birthday this year.. I'm not sure why I decided to drink that night, but I did and I have been ever since. It's not as bad as it used to be and at times I doubt the fact that I'm an alcoholic.. I don't know anymore, I just know that if it wasn't for Jack Daniels, I might not have gotten through the last few months. I of course say this as I pour myself another double!
You know what's really funny? All these things I regret.. I am truly grateful for them at the same time.. I believe I've learned a lot this year and even though at times I question it.. I do feel as though I've made some progress.
I got something I've wanted for 7 years now.. I got my sailboat, one big enough to live on.. and with it comes a sense of freedom that I haven't known in years..
I have met a few really incredible people this year and that's the stuff I live for. To me, one of the most precious things in life is good conversation and I've had a lot of that this year.
You know.. looking back on this year.. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank you for the nice message.
It's been discussed that I'm an alcoholic before, but I really think it has to do with if it interferes with your everyday life.
Take care.