So... Last Monday, I quit taking my medically prescribed Cymbalta. I've suffered from depression for as long as I've been a social human being. Crushing anxiety runs in my DNA.
Before Cymbalta, I was on Effexor. While I absolutely DO advocate seeing a medical and mental health team about any issues you may have about depression and or anxiety... Don't take Effexor. It's a horrible medication, and its not fit for human use.
I've been chemically treating depression for just about as long as I've been sober. In fact, the last time I had a drink, was the day before I started meds. I simply traded one horrible chemical dependency for another.
Seven days ago, I ran out of Cymbalta. Five days ago, the withdrawal symptoms started. Headaches. Take the worst hangover headache you've ever had, put on the tightest pair of headphones, then listen to the loudest music possible... For, about 40 hours straight.
Another favorite withdrawal symptoms... Ghosts of injuries past. Ever break or sprain anything? Remember that pain? Your body does. All the sports injuries, fights, skateboard tricks gone bad. They've all come creeping back like ex-girlfriends I wish had never existed.
The last noteworthy withdrawal symptom should've been an expected one, but it's been the biggest chip on my shoulder throughout this whole experience. The return of authentic human emotions. Empathy is a sadistic bitch. At least 3 times a day I've been on the verge of tears, the brink of homicide, I've laughed without it being at the expense of someone else, and I've been terrified to start my car. Basically... Take the way normal emotions hit you, but amp those up to 11. I feel maybe the ladies that experience their "monthly visit" get this better than most. I certainly had NO idea what to expect. All I know is every time I've made fun of any lady on her period... I am totally aware of how bad of a decision that was now.
I'm past "the point of least return". With ibuprofen, fish oil extracts, and plenty of fluids I'm able to fight back the headaches. The pains I feel are memories, they aren't real injuries. The emotional stuff... That will be a little trickier.
I wish someone would've explained there's no long-term chemical solution to mental illness. I would've (in time) been on with that. I feel like I was sold on snake oil because there was no other option in the table. Well... I'll be honest with you guys. When there's no other options on the table, WALK AWAY FROM THE TABLE.
There is a comeback from mental illness. It's like a combination lock that you own but you've forgotten the combination of. You have to look for it. You have to want it. You have to keep at it. You didn't break you, but you're the best person to fix you.
If anyone sees my numbers, or think mine have been confused with yours... You know where to find me.
