quietantrum

i hope that this will be a last entry of boohoo jesse this or tha but i need to vent! so last night was so fucking weird. i have no idea what happend. yes i do. i just don't want to know. and fair warning this will prob be a long entry. soooo.....met a few dear old friends of mine to shoot the shit and pool and have some beer. most of them were already drunk when i got there. migrated from the chill bar to the dance/party/ watch ppl make fools of themselves bar, then migrated to the gentelmens club to resume chilling, by then i was buzzed pretty good and i hardly had much to drink at all. so i was sitting there and this guy is talking to me about the state of affairs in our humble small town and he had an accent so i ask him where hes from and he says london. so why are you here in bum-fuck idaho at a crappy bikini bar mr londoner? "oh just doing some human rights stuff"...changes subject...acts shifty. he gets up a few mins later and his friend who was sitting on his other side starts chatting with me, what do you do i ask him. "i'm a reporter for the CDA press" i cant remember exactly what all else was said but i remember asking him about his friend and i told him that his friend told me about doing some human rights thing and the guy acted surprised that i knew that. i do remember him saying something about how this guy is big and he brought him from england to do his thing here. i asked why here in north idaho and he says something about its because of our nazism problem. i say- but richard butler is dead now and most of the skinheads are relocating to back east. then i was like, so are you part of reuben's JDL thing, and he was like noo...we're not like them. i am buzzing and trying not to sound retarded and trying to figure what the hell is going on all at once which is no fun. so then mr london comes back and tells me he has to leave- goes to give me a hug and startes to kiss my cheek. hes from europe so i figured that he was gonna do that "kiss on one cheek kiss on the other and a quick hug" thing, but he pecks me all over the face with his lips and i'm like tensing up then starts kissing me on my mouth and i start to lean away from him. he was like, " you dont like that? i do that to most girls and they giggle- they like it." i was just like, "uh...no." then he was gone. his friend right after that was like- "i have to go talk to my friend outside" and dissapears. i really wish i knew what that was about because something big was going down in a small town and that makes things intresting.
so then in there seat appears a few mins later a georgous guy with deep blue eyes and long little dreadies. i am a sucker for dreadlocks. and we just started chatting up a storm and i have no idea what we talked about. i do remember him saying something as i was gushing about his hair that he wanted to dye it black and cut off some in the front for bangs and go for the bettie paige look. ok. not for bois but whatever dude. i also remember him mentioning something about being homeless in seattle's capital hill area for awhile and then very quickly explaining that he wasn't ever a prostitute- which of course made me think he must have turned a few tricks right? so only was talking to him for a bit befor my friends decided it was time to hit dennys and sober up a bit. i'm sure i blabbed to my friends how hot i thought he was- scott invited him to go to dennys with us. ok. on the way to dennys someone talkd to some other friends of ours who we would be meeting at dennys and i comes up that among the ppl we are meeting there is ....JESSE! ok- this is gonna be weird. so we get there and he is sitting next to some preppy lil blond who doesn't look a day over 18. great. i sit next to her cause i'm not gonna act weird about things and the spot was open. jesse has his arm around her so his hand is right to my right. i look over and he has on a fucking ugly ass gold ring which i'm sure turned his finger green which had the word "love" upon it yeah- so it wasnt that bad breaking up with him the secong time because my heart was so broken and shattered the first time that i thought i would never feel that low again. but then i am replaced within 6 days of being left again. 6 FUCKING DAYS!!! by some preppy little girl who was prob out way past her curfew! i am dumbfounded. i have no idea what to think. all i know is that i am going to a ravish party in spokane tomorrow and hopefully the afters at one of the funest party houses in that city and i am going to get so fucked up- come hell or highwater!! i will feel no pain. and i'm not talking drinking here. i just don't give a fuck anymore. i was going to try to stay clean at least until i find a job but i don't care anymore.