quietantrum

i really wish i knew wtf was going on! so as the plot thickens jesse and i both went out on thanksgiving eve- i just chilled and played some pool and drank and watched my friends get attacked by and oppressed, inebreiated, cali-girl lesbian while he went bar hopping and ended up at the grail *PUKES* where he got shitfaced and who knows what. but thats ok cause afterwards he called me and said he was on his way over cause he really had to see me and we just sat in my driveway and talked and decided that we would start over and just "date". then we drove nekkid back to his house, and you can use youre imagination to fill in the rest. so after that i thought everything might be ok at least. between then and now i have seen him 2 times. both times i have gone over to his house just so that i could share his company, both times he has been glued to his computer. he still called me and talked to me but never wanted to do anything. he told me his roomate was planning on having gaming nights till sunday- which at first i thought he was meaning board games gameing cause he shoulda said LAN party, but oh well. so on fri night i went over there knowing that he was just going to be playing games, of course hoping that maybe he would try to spend some actual time with me but not expecting it. everyone quit gaming about the time he got home from work so he didn't get to LAN, so instead he played a sinle player game which gives him motion sickness/vertigo cause of the graphics. so right when i decided that i had enough of sitting there watching tv alone is when he happend to be turning off his game cause it made him feel shitty. i told him i had to go cause i was starving and he asked if i was gonna come back cause he figured i was just gonna grab something from the drive thru. i told him i had to go home cause i couldn't spend the money and he said ok. then i decided after i left that i would just get something craptastic drive thr style and i called him to see if he wanted me to come back. he said, naw, i'm just gonna go to bed now so thats ok. so whatever- i went home. then the other night i went over there knowing that he might play games and might not. he was which was fine. i said- i guess i know what your doing all night huh? and he was like, "i dunno". of course i wanted a kiss when i got there, so i leaned over to kiss him and he ducks and looks around me at the computer, then a min later i guess it was ok to kiss me. then right in the middle of the kiss he pulls away cause he was missing something terribly important in the game. that pissed me off. i stood there for another min then i was like, "you know, i'm just gonna leave" he asked if i was serious, i said yes, and i left. he calls me 10 mins later as i was still on my way home and reems me out for storming out and said that he was just finishing that game then was gonna quit which how the hell was i supposed to know that and how the other night when i went home he wanted me to come back and he wasn't going to be and what he said was that he was getting into bed and i coulda stayed and chilled with him and everthing that i had heard him say was not in fact what he said. we can't even communicate anymore!!! he ended that conversation the other night both saying we're done and saying we need to talk some more and explaining to me that we were just going to "date" each other and then explaing to me that there is absolutely nothing for us to ever go out and do. he said if i had something for us to hang out and do together we could go out then promptly made excuses for every idea i presented. then he said that sun he was planning on spending some time with me cause he had the day off even tho he already told me he might be gaming that day to and we may hang out. then he was like we'll talk tomorrow (which was yesterday) when i'm not so mad. so what happend yesterday? he never calls. he never answers my calls. he doesn't return my calls. he doesn't return my text messages. calls me this morn saying "i felt sick yesterday and didn't feel like talking and fighting with you. if you want to talk nicely today call me later." yeah right i want to talk nicely to you!!! i am not into playing childish fucking games. i am not into being at the beck and call of a guy who MIGHT call me and want to spend time with me when he gets tired of his video games. i fucking hate video games! this is the 2nd bf i've lost to a computer. why would you rather play games then spend time with me. what if i die tonight and you never fucking see me again? what then? would you regret not spending more time with me? honestly tho he prob wouldn't. i really thought that after he broke my damn heart and said that he was lonely alone and missed me that he wanted us to work together to try to make things better. this time i really think that its over and i almost dont' give a shit.