i feel so fucking alone. and i had another breakdown last night and i was finally able to realize why i've felt this way and i think i was able to tell jesse so that he actually understands a little better. i just have no one in my life other then him and my parents and that really bothers me sometimes. i've just lost the friends i've had, some because they've deserted me and others i have pushed away. and when i am with him but he is so distant and/or engrossed in something else ( like his video games ) then thats when i feel the most alone cause it doesn't even matter if i'm there or not. i just kept thinking last night that i should really just run away and try to start a new life somewhere else and stop hurting the people around me. i also keep thinking that if i were to die there would be no one at my funeral.
