quicksand

Lately I've been obsessing about being in a relationship. I've been reading all the "how to get him to like you" blogs on the internet, scrutinizing every little aspect of my personality and appearance, and even covertly participated in one of those law of attraction workshops being held at the local Barnes and Noble. Meanwhile, I've noticed that I've become immaculately stupid in the process. I've lost myself. What happened?

I'm divorced. I used to be a good little housewife who cooked, cleaned, went to church and listened to her husband. Now I'm heavily inked, pierced and have a veritable laundry list of previous sex partners, both male and female. One day I'm gay, the next I'm straight. One day I'm a political activist, the next I'm a lowly cleaning lady. It's been four years. It's time for the whirlwind to stop.

So, from my innermost being, the Quicksand Within shall we say, this is what I proclaim: my name is Betsy, and I'm a poet. I don't understand my need for piercings and tattoos but I'm not ashamed of them and I'm secretly very impressed with myself for being so out there. I don't have a lot of friends but the ones I do have I cherish. I'm smart and while I like to party I'm actually pretty shy and have trouble talking to people. I'm great in bed but I'm not a tramp and I will punish anyone who thinks otherwise. I can hold a grudge for a looooong time but I try to be forgiving to everyone. Everyday I care less about what people think about me which I find liberating. I like to be in nature. I love my dogs and my cat. I still love God even though I don't fit the picture-perfect mold of a good christian, and I believe that I follow God more than most of the christians I know...even when I'm acting koo-koo. Which is most of the time.

So...I'm tired of seeking a relationship right now. I just want to be alone with Betsy and do things I know I enjoy.

Hope everyone is good,
Quick