Hey Love Bugs!
I am just the worst kind of person! I think it has been at least a month or MORE since my last blog entry. Tsk tsk on me! This is completely unacceptable in my eyes. I honestly owe you guys a long one and a long one you shall get!
So, I guess I better fill you in on my summer. It was... Interesting to say the very least. Before I begin, I suppose I better give you a bit of a back-story.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and have been friends for at least 9-10 years. A few years ago we both expressed and interest in "Hotwifing". Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, a Hotwife is a married (in most cases) woman who has sexual relations with other men out side of her marriage, with the husbands approval. Yea yea, we aren't married but, after 6 years were pretty fucking close.
So, this past summer, before my birthday and trip to LA I met a potential FB (Fuck Buddy). Now, my selection process is insanely rigorous. Since I will only meet with one FB at a time I have ways of eliminating potentials. One of those ways is my rules. I have rules and if a PFB can't follow or abide by them he is automatically out. If he can, I require that you meet me out in a public place of MY choosing before any sexual encounter may occur. The rules go on and on ranging from sexual health to love triangles.
Anyway, I met this PFB one night and we really hit it off. Long story short he became my "Bull". A Bull is a male who engages in sexual relations with a hotwife. Other than her husband/BF he is the only other male having sex with her.
Now, my number one rule is SUPER FUCKING OBVIOUS: RULE 1:You may NOT under any circumstances fall in love with me. Seems pretty simple right? Guess not. Because, as the summer went on he became more and more attached. Looking back, I should have seen the warning signs. Eventually, he admitted that he loved me and that he wanted me to leave my BF and be with him and only him. FUCK ME. It was only two months!!! You don't fall in love in only two months.
After the confession, shit got messy. Fast. I started to really pull away from him and he held tighter and tighter. He admitted that he wouldn't let me go until I was his. He would fight for me. Dude, thats not romantic. Thats creepy. It got very possessive and almost dangerous. I left my home for a little bit and hid out at my parents house. I had to fill them in on EVERYTHING. They gave me as much advice as they could manage. But, lets face it, this situation was not at all normal and was completely over their heads. My dad, the badass that he is, made me laugh the entire weekend with sex jokes. Jesus that man is my hero.
Now, keep in mind that the entire time I am in hiding the BF is back home keeping an eye out for FB. The BF knew exactly where I was and what I was doing. He never left my side. Not even for a moment. He did everything he could to protect me as well as our relationship from this so called "attacker". He was such a rock during all of this. He never once blamed me for the FBs actions or behavior even though I blamed myself. I felt that I made him fall in love with me. I lured him in and crushed him. I felt that because I am naturally a loving person I made him react this way. I created my own disaster. I felt guilty and I felt disgusting. It hit me hard. I tried explaining to the FB that he didnt follow the rules and that I never would leave the BF. It only made him fight harder.
I knew I had to do something, anything to make it all stop. Eventually, after a shit ton of blocking numbers, twitter accounts, and numerous facebook pates the FB stopped trying to contact me entirely.
Now that some time has passed, the BF and I have decidd to try to get back into the lifestyle we love so much. We both know that we love and adore each other and that we are strong enough to look "attackers" in the face and laugh. We are the strongest we have ever been and I only see us growing stronger. I love him with all of my heart and soul.
After hours of discussions, we decided to continue this life because we both know that we are very sexual people that love the hunt, games, and connections that come with hotwifing. We are not about to allow one JACKASS to ruin all the fun for us. We learned a hard lesson and we know the warning signs. All that matters, is that in the end, I know whom I am coming home to and where my heart wants to be. The same goes for him.
I decided to share this with all of you, not to excuse my absences, but to explain why I have been away. I understand that not all of you will agree with the way I choose to live my life. However, the key word there is MY life. Not yours, not anyone else's. I feel terrible that my mistake has kept me from all of you and for that, I am deeply sorry.
So, as you can imagine, with all of the relationships I juggle (BF, FB, Family, Friends, and SG), I haven't had a lot of free time for modeling. I hope to change that this year and get back to work soon. I need to start doing things for me again. Modeling is one of them.
So, now that you are all up to date on my life I owe all of you a HUUUUGE Thank you!! When Chelsea Dagger hit MR I was amazed and over joyed at how quickly it hit 1,000 likes! It felt great to see all the love and comments that you guys and ladies left it. Yes, I read every single comment and I am working on all of the private messages. You guys seriously know how to make a girl feel loved and appreciated. I am so glad I was able to give you a great set in return.
And for that, I have to thank @Aerie Suicide. She NAILED this set and I truly hope it gets bought. Not just so that I can finally turn PINK, but so that she can have her first SG Photog set under her belt. She deserves it! I so very badly want to be the one who helps her get her first set. So, keep the love coming! XOXO
Well loves, now that you know EVERYTHING I will leave you with tons of hugs and kisses for always being behind, beside, and with me. I love you all so much.
XOXOXO
Q
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