qualmi

Ever heard someone say "sometimes life throws you curve balls?" I am not a baseball fan so why am I playing that game with my life?
I used to read a lot. There are parts of your life that disappear if you let go of reading. Books and the world of reading are a nexus to your own soul as well as creation. Not exactly the same as a mother has, yet very much so. The same kind of beauty comes from reading as gardening. That moment when a small commitment, a small moment of giving can create life. Ideas are life, they bring fulfillment, sense of satisfaction, inspire and open doors.
I remember, as if time had no ability touch it, the moments in life that the vastness of the universe made the smallness of who I am to great cosmic place and truth. Seeing the life around me, as if from the smallest of life forms, gave me to me a great sense of purpose and meaning.
Infinite, no dream seemed to compare to the reality of possibility.
All this has been taken away, but easily retrieved from the very being that took it away from me. Myself.
I feel I owe it to myself, to grow. To be the gardener of my own soul, creation and truths. I could have lost this, but beside me is the very reason I know i must not lose it.
She, is not a commitment to her but to life. To strive to worth her, is not less than to be oneself, but to give oneself selflessly to we are supposed to be. I find God in Loving. She lets me Love her and therefore gives to me that very mystery and it feeds and awakens me.