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Who would have believed...


About 1,5 years ago my sister was visiting me and this was sort of my last weekend in Netherlands before moving back to Finland. I was so super happy to see her again and spend a cool festival together with her. Everything was pretty good but I didn't really wanna leave back to Finland. But at the festival I met a cute boy from my study town in Finland. We hanged out with him at the festival and I immediately thought..wow, he is special; cute smile, great attitude and all round great person. I was going out with someone in the Netherlands at that time but somehow it never was that special and I knew we are not gonna be together after I leave. But still I could not say to the cute Finnish boy that I think he is special. But I was lot happier returning to Finland knowing I will see him at a festival in Finland few weeks later although we were just friends and he also had a girlfriend.

A year before this I was studying in Finland I was once walking back from uni while I saw some cute boy across the road and we exchanged glances and smiles and somehow this had just stacked on my mind because boys in Finland usually do not smile to random girls on the streets and this boy had a very cute smile. I don't usually even remember things like this. After returning from Netherlands I realised it must be that the boy I met in Netherlands is the very same guy, he just looked pretty different without his dreadlocks that he had a year before.haha, this is really wird story I know it already.

So we met at the festival in Finland few weeks later. That was just after my grandpa's funeral and I did feel bit crap even going to a festival but I was just stoked to see him again. He was with his girlfriend and friends and I was with my friends but we occasionally hanged out together at the festival. Again, I did not say to him that I think he is a rad person and I like him. We saw each other at some other festival too but I always had my friends and my things and vice versa so even if I always felt more than just being a friend with him nothing more than smiles were ever exchanged.

Autumn the uni started again and we saw each other at gigs and bars sometimes but nothing much more. I was anyway super busy with my uni and work and about to leave to South Africa in January. Sometime in November we ended up to a same after party and when we were leaving he said to me that there is something he has never told me but he is not gonna say it now either. Somehow I thought he might be interested in me also. but because girls are silly and boys are even more silly I thought I must be imagining things and I probably would make a completely fool of myself by saying I actually really like him, even if he had broken up with his girlfriend sometime before. But as said I was about to leave to South Africa so I also thought just forget it and get on without thinking about it because everything was pretty good anyways

We saw few times after that in Finland but I never asked again what the thing he never told me before was. When I was waiting for my flight in Frankfurt I got silly have a good trip, be safe text messages from him which I actually kept in my phone for really long time.hah, im lame.

Almost seven months passed by in South Africa and I had the best time in my life. We never really kept contact with the boy except very few myspace comments. I was happy and had a big crush on someone in South Africa and things could not have been better. But so long for that crush since he turned out to be complete asshole drug addict in the end, how great...around the same time the boy in Finland started to send me lot more messages and I thought "what is this, why is he suddenly sending so many messages.." But those messages made me smile because I actually had sort of missed him even if I didn't realise it before.

Sad times again leaving South Africa but the boy in Finland kept reminding me about me coming back and that sort of felt good that it seemed like somebody actually wanted to se me in Finland. When I got back we saw few times and I moved back here in my study town again. The whole autumn I've been super busy again with finishing the courses, writing thesis and working but we've seen each other every now and then and played board games and pool and drank tea together. He had a new girlfriend and I thought yeah we will never be anything else than friends and probably that's the best. and no worries because anyway I was not planning to stay in Finland for long.

Until some weeks ago...we started to talk a lot on msn, went for a coffee and just had good conversations. I was not really sure what was going on since I knew he had a girlfriend so just thought that we are good friends. Then they broke up with his girlfriend...(here my friend said you should have known by this time at least what was going on..) And last Tuesday after some gig he asked if I wanted to come for a tea to his place. So I went and stayed for the morning tea too. And since that pretty much every morning I have had my morning tea there. and I'm completely head over heels I've found out that whole 1,5 years he has liked me also but never said it. And that was the thing he never said to me last year.. haha, he even remembers what kind of belt I've been wearing at the festival in the Netherlands...sick Needless to say I feel pretty much like a complete idiot for not doing or saying anything before, but a super happy idiot at least.

I said that this year already has been the best in my life because the great 7months in South Africa but I would not have guessed it could still get better. I like this boy so much and seems like he likes me too He is just so awesome, so super posi and has a great attitude in life.

But if things only would be this easy..no.. I got my flight to NZ, to other side of the world on 10th Jan and in exactly one weeks time I am moving all my stuff from my flat to my parents and the going for a week to ski with them( If we get any snow!) and then for new years to see my friend who is back from NZ. Shit shit shit.

I really don't know what to do, I am so happy at the moment with him that I have actually even thought about not leaving to NZ yet but on the other hand from next Thursday I won't even have a place to live here. And I seriously miss surfing and summer and NZ has been my dream for so long. Last week just has turned things bit upside down and I don't know what to think anymore. Life is weird but super good. Just feels that everything is so right with this boy.

Uh. This entry turned out to be bit of a novel. Not sure if anyone made it to the end

I hope you are all doing good friends xxx