qbug

So, I was woken up by the sound of my roommate demolishing furniture with a baseball bat at 2:30am. The dream I was in the midst of was interesting and hopeful--- I had a dream that I was being friends with Kevin. We were easy friends, which is weird because I'm awkward friends even with my closest female pals.
Dream-Kevin and I were goofing off about his car racing and playing around on his laptop, sitting next to each other on the carpet in front of his couch. I also recall there being a very large closet.

Being startled out of the dream did help to keep it fresh, but that has a negative side affect. The side affect was that it made me wistful. I miss Kevin. I can't figure out my feelings enough to know whether I miss us or I just miss him. I'm okay with the fact that he's got a girlfriend, it doesn't actively bother me. I can think about other things, their relationship isn't my most dominant thought. I just wish that I could be completely over it, to the point that I wasn't still so bitter.

With a full night's sleep I had another dream. I have NO IDEA why it was happenening, but in this dream Kevin and his new woman and I were apartment hunting together. The three of us were going to live together in an apartment. Basically, the main issue in this dream was my constant need for her approval. I would say something, anything, then look at her and smile, hoping she would smile back.
Shoot me if that ever really happens.
Also, she had no fear of leaving Kevin and I alone, like I could never be a threat to her. And I wasn't--- he was totally disinterested. I even showed him all these medals and trophies and stuff that I had gotten for excelling in college (I doubt you really get cool stuff for that) and showing him made it feel trivial. When he congratulated me, it felt like he was saying "Oh, good job" to a five year old who scribbled something in art and got a smiley face sticker.

Whatever. This will not set the mood for my whole day.